My Suicide Note

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It's a shame it had to end this way. I tried all I could to show you all what I was going through. I tried speaking to you Mom, and you also Dad. I tried showing you the scars, both the visible ones on my body and the deadlier scars in my heart but you were too blind to see them. I was right in front of you yet it was like I was not there. You couldn't see me; you couldn't see the numerous troubles in my eyes because you never looked into them. And to my teachers and counselors, you equally had a hand in this, you have a hand in my death. I tried showing you the visible handwriting on the wall but you were just too busy to see it. You were just too busy paying attention to other students who appeared normal to you. I cried out to you about being bullied but you all said it was my fault, you said I needed to fit in. How could I possibly fit in with peers who take pleasure in making me feel bad at every opportunity?

To my peers who made my life a living hell every single day, I hope you are happy now that I'm gone. I guess you will just find someone else to pounce on.

I was suffering and smiling. Every time I smiled I had jars of tears stored in my eyes, striving desperately to burst forth. My life was enslaved by peer pressure and my parents and teachers, the adults who should have saved me were just there to push me around and even criticize me whenever I spoke up.

I always felt invincible, I felt like a phoenix gliding through the air, amid my peers, I always felt like the ugliest animal in the zoo, the one no one seemed to care about. Why did I have to die for you to take notice of me? Why couldn't you all protect me? Why did you close your ears to my cries for help? Why couldn't you put yourselves in my shoes for once to understand my sorrows?

I sat every single day of my life wondering why I was the hated invisible girl, wondering why I was born to be mocked, wondering if being academically successful was a crime, and wondering why my choices seemed irritating to others. I always pondered over these but I could not understand, none of you was there to help me understand. I am only fifteen, my life had just begun, and I still had so much to explore, and a lot to know, I had hoped to start a family of my own someday but somehow you all managed to cut my life short. I must say to my bullies you all succeeded in making my short fifteen years on earth miserable. Since my life was annoying to you, I hope my death brings you peace, I hope it helps you realize that those little acts of hate you display can tear down not just the body but also the spirit and even the desire for someone to live. To this day I still don't know why you all came for me, I don't know or understand the pleasure you derived from the defamation of my name.

Are you shedding tears because I'm gone? Save your tears please, where were you when I needed you? I always had the dream of becoming a successful independent woman, that was why I studied so hard and made straight A's. Little did I know that I would not test womanhood, let alone motherhood.

As I close my eyes filled with tears, as I depart this world filled with hate, as I see my end, I want to let you all know that my dream was to be a woman that would change the world. I couldn't do that when I was alive, but I still hope to change the world and free other kids who are being bullied from meeting my fate. Utilizing this book, I hope my parents, my teachers, my counselors, my peers, and even the government will see how traumatizing bullying is and how hurtful it feels to be neglected. You all were not able to save me, so at least use the information contained in my book "the gift" I left you to save others as you could not save me.

To all who hurt me and neglected me, I'm lying dead because of you, because of the way you treated me. I hope you feel alone like I did so you can understand the pain. I hope this changes your life, I hope when you look at my body you say may this never happen to anyone. I hope that my gift changes the world, I hope with the help of my gift you know and recognize the signs next time when some other kid who is being bullied shows them. I hope you get to be more attentive to the cries for help of other young ones.

It is my dying wish that my death brings life to millions of others and that it helps prevent kids from becoming monsters who bully others. Spread the word, spread the gift, and save as many young souls as you can.

Goodbye Mom, goodbye Dad, goodbye everyone, goodbye cruel world. I hope I find peace on the other side. I hope I find relief from all the hate and bitterness.

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