You Could Have Saved Me

A Note To Parents

Depression among adolescents goes beyond moodiness. It is a serious health issue that affects every aspect of the life of a teen. Fortunately, it can be handled, and parents can help. Your encouragement, guidance, and support can go a long way to helping your teen to overcome depression and get back on track with their life.

IS MY TEEN DEPRESSED?

While occasional mood swings or acting out is to be expected during the teenage years, depression is something entirely different. The negative effects of teenage depression far exceed a melancholy mood. Depression can destroy the essence of your teen's personality, causing an overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, or anger. Many rebellious and unhealthy behaviors or attitudes in teenagers can be indications of depression.

Teen depression is very closely associated with several other mental health problems, such as eating disorders and self-injury. While depression can cause tremendous pain for your teen—and disrupt everyday family life—there are plenty of things you can do to help your child start to feel better. The first step is to learn what teen depression looks like and what to do if you spot the warning signs.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF A DEPRESSED TEENAGER

Unlike adults who can seek help on their own, adolescents rely on family, educators, or other caregivers to acknowledge their pain and provide them with the help they need. But it's not always fast. For one thing, it doesn't necessarily seem obvious on the faces of teens with depression. Alternatively, the most common symptoms are irritability, rage, and agitation.

Signs and symptoms of teen depression:

Sadness or hopelessnessIrritability, anger, or hostilityTearfulness or frequent cryingWithdrawal from friends and familyLoss of interest in activitiesPoor school performanceChanges in eating and sleeping habitsRestlessness and agitationFeelings of worthlessness and guiltLack of enthusiasm and motivationFatigue or lack of energyDifficulty concentratingUnexplained aches and painsThoughts of death or suicideSUICIDE WARNING SIGNS IN DEPRESSED TEENAGERS

Seriously depressed teenagers, especially those who also abuse alcohol or drugs, frequently think about, talk about, or make suicide attempts — and an alarming and growing number are involved which I suppose includes me now. It is therefore important that you take very seriously any suicidal thoughts or behaviors. They're a plea for your teen's aid.

Suicide warning signs to watch for:

Talking or joking about committing suicideSaying things like, "I'd be better off dead," "I wish I could disappear forever," or "There's no way out"Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying ("If I died, people might love me more")Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicideEngaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injuryGiving away prized possessionsSaying goodbye to friends and family as if for the last timeSeeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselvesHOW YOU CAN HELP A DEPRESSED TEEN

If left untreated, depression is very harmful, so don't wait and hope that troubling symptoms will go away. When you think your teen is depressed, express your concerns in a caring, non-judgmental way. Even if you're unaware that depression is the problem, the troubling attitudes and feelings you're seeing are indicators of an issue that needs to be addressed.

Start a conversation by letting your teen know what particular symptoms of depression you have noticed d why they are disturbing to you. Then ask your child to share what they're going through— and be willing and ready to listen. Hold back from asking a lot of questions (most teenagers don't like being patronized or crowded), but make it clear that you're willing and ready to provide whatever support they need.

HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH A DEPRESSED TEENListen don't lecture. Focus on listening, not lecturing. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment as soon as your teen begins speaking. The important thing is to communicate with your child. You're going to do your best by just letting your teen know you're there for them, absolutely and unconditionally.Be mild yet persistent. Don't give up when they first lock you out. It can be really hard for teens to talk about depression. But if they want to, they can find it difficult to convey what they feel. Be respectful of the level of comfort of your child while still highlighting your concern and willingness to listen.Recognize their feelings. Do not try to talk your teen out of depression even if his feelings or concerns seem to you to be stupid or irrational. Well-meaning attempts to explain why "things aren't that bad" will only appear as if you don't take their emotions seriously. It can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported by simply acknowledging the pain and sadness they experience.Have faith in yourself. If your teen says nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what causes the behavior that leaves him depressed, you should trust your instincts. Consider turning to a trusted third party if your teen won't open up to you: a school counselor, a favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. It's important to get them to speak to somebody.MY FAREWELL TO TEENAGERS

Being a teenager is hard. It is challenging to know what skills to use to be true to yourself and to speak your mind. You may be feeling rifts in your relationships with your friends, family, or other people in your life. If you had the skills to help you communicate and manage your emotions better, your relationships with yourself and others would improve, your ability to navigate the world would be better, and you would begin to feel more confident in yourself and within your life. I know you sometimes feel like you should press the pause button on life and get away from everyone, believe me, I always felt that way. I do not advise you to follow my path, try to speak out and seek help maybe, just maybe someone will hear your call. It's a shame that with all this knowledge on how to cope, I still couldn't. But I will not take the blame for it, I tried, I reached out to everyone but they all shut me out. Learn as much as you can both from my life and death and use it to save as many as you can. This is my gift to you all.

Attached to this book is my suicide note. May it keep me in your hearts.