*ON HOLD* every time we touch {n.s au} | boyxboy

Chapter 17

Harry's POV:

After a month of being with Niall, as an 'official' couple. I couldn't help but think about how he truly felt.

I wasn't one to question Niall, but I questioned his actions.

I glanced down at the paper laid in front of me as a pen rested in my hand. A tear fell from my eye, landing on the paper, quickly I wiped the tear away, tearing the paper slightly.

I got mad and crumbled the paper to start over once again. My eyes went to the pile of crumbled papers by the trash can.

Roughly, I sighed and began to write again:

"Dear Niall,

I truly love you with all my heart and appreciate what you do for me tremendously. I would be lying if I said I felt happiness again..because I don't...yes I know...it's just my depressed state taking over...but my mind jumps back to you. How your smile simply lights up my day and your blue eyes consume my brain entirely.

Oh, Niall...I can see us growing old, having children and being 'happy'. But, we'll see what happens...

Yours truly,
Harry."

I closed my journal and put it on the shelf. I placed the pen down on the desk and made my way down stairs. I beamed a smile as I brushed past Louis. I went outside and walked to the car. I drove as far as I could to get away from everyone. I wasn't even sure where I was.

I took the keys and walked down a hill to a flat land. A smile peeked through my sad glint. I ran down to the flat land as quick as possible and laid down in the grass. The sun shined brightly on my face, the sudden heat made me glimmer. I sniffled and rolled on my tummy. I picked the flower in front of me, placing it behind my ear.

I smiled once more.

Being like this would be amazing. No humans. No problems. Just me and my depressing self.

Me, Harry Styles.

I rolled back over and closed my eyes. Letting my imagination run free, I saw me with a smile, looking down at the stars, I was holding a young child in my arms. He had beautiful blue eyes with chocolate hair. The baby looked up at me and started to cry. I soothed the baby, but nothing seemed to help. Tears formed as the screams grew louder. My hands rushed to my face as the baby fell into an utter darkness.

I yelled in anguish for hours. That which is beautiful can always be ruined by that which isn't of the same likeness. That which is pure, innocent, can be ruined by the fingers of the vile, repulsive beings in the earth.

That evil thing was me. No matter how much I run and escape. It's still there - haunting my dreams, my reality, my life.

It never sleeps and never leaves.

I open my eyes with tears bursting from them. I couldn't let that happen. I looked up to the sky and saw the fluffy clouds. It reminded me of Niall. He was something perfect that only another perfect person could be with.

A sigh left my lips as I got to my feet slowly. I couldn't let my nightmares come to life and haunt me. I'm living not dead.

It's time I start acting alive once again.

~

{IM SOOOO SORRY for the wait ... I really am !! )-: I'll be updating more ! I promise !! Hang in there buttercups !! xx }