Every Kind of Way

I need you

I walked out of the meeting room and sprinted towards my car. I avoided anyone who asked me any questions. Many tried to stop me to check up on me, but I wouldn't let them. I got into Ms. Duanpen, slammed the door shut and locked it. I could feel my heart rate at a thousand beats per minute even though I didn't run that fast. My breathing was shallow, and a million thoughts ran through my head. Was I too harsh? Was I unfair? Why didn't she run after me? Is she going to leave me again? I was trembling and starting to sweat. Damn it! Not now!

My only clear thought was that I needed Mon, so I dialed her number. She answered after the second ring.

"M-Mon?"

"Sam?! What's wrong? What happened?" I could hear the worried tone in her voice.

"I-I'm... I can't...Mon...help me, please." I could barely get any words out. I felt the tears building up, I was about to explode.

"OMG, Sam I think you're having a panic attack."

"I-I don't get panic attacks. I..."

"Panic, anxiety attack, whatever you want to call it. Ok Sam, I need you to breath with me ok?" I felt like I was suffocating with every passing moment. I couldn't hold it anymore, I started crying.

"I-I can't Mon. I can't breathe. I feel like my throat is closing up."

"Sam, teerak, focus on my voice and only my voice." I closed my eyes and tried my best to slow down my breathing. "Listen to my voice, teerak. I'm right here. Everything will be just fine." The tight grip I had on my phone loosened a bit. I breathed out a little more calmly. "That's it. Follow the sound of my voice. Nothing and no one is going to hurt you. I'm right here, baby." My breathing was a bit more normal, and I didn't feel like my heart was going to burst out of my chest anymore. "You're safe with me." I felt that deep inside my heart.

"Baby?"

"Yes, teerak?"

"Thank you for being here even if it's just over the phone."

"I'm just glad I could help you. Are you feeling better?"

"A little bit. I still feel anxious, but I think I can drive home now."

"Are you sure? If you need to take a taxi, just do that."

"No, no, I'm okay. I'll call you when I get home." She breathed out.

"Ok, I'll be waiting for your call in the next 20 to 30 minutes." I ended the call and relaxed into the seat. I breathed in deeply and exhaled before starting the car.

I got home, texted Mon that I arrived safely and dove into the jacuzzi. I informed Yha to take all messages for me today and I asked the housekeeper to go home. I needed to be alone.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up my fingers looked all pruned up from being under water so long. I went inside the house and took a nice warm bath. I lit my candles, put on some spa music and placed bath salts into the tub.

Relaxing wasn't really something I did so after sloshing around in the water I took a shower and got dressed. I ate some leftovers that I had from the night before and sat on the kitchen counter.

I don't feel like being alone tonight. I couldn't ask Mon to come over because she had basically stayed with me for the past week. I sighed in defeat. An idea emerged in my head. If Mon can't come home, I'll go to her parents' house.

I started driving to Mon's house. I was about to call her to let her know I was on the way, but knowing Mon she would scold me and tell me to stay home. If I just arrive, she won't have a chance to turn me away. The drive there didn't feel that long this time. Traffic was light plus I was distracted with thoughts of Engfa and her family. I tried my best not to let the thoughts upset me again. I don't know if what I said to her today was right, but at least I got the chance to tell her how I really felt at one point in time.

When I got to her house, the lights downstairs were turned off. Mon's bedroom light was still on and visible from the road through her pink curtains. That woman really loves pink. I don't know why I got the stupid idea, but my idiot brain decided to reenact a Romeo and Juliet scene. I found a ladder that could help me climb up to Mon's room through the window. I placed it neatly against the side of the house without making too much noise. I found a couple of pebbles on the floor and threw them at Mon's window.

"Psst... Mon!" I whispered loudly. I threw a couple more pebbles, but there was no response. I was running out so I found a bigger rock. Hopefully I don't break her window and wake up the whole house. I threw the rock without looking and it almost hit Mon. "Crap! I'm sorry." Mon dodged it just in time.

"Sam? What are you doing here? Why are you throwing rocks at me?" I smiled at her confused look and scrunched up nose. I started climbing the ladder. "Wait! What are you doing?!" I was at the top of the ladder before she could say anything else, and her face was right in front of mine.

"I needed to see you." She smiled and I could see the faint blush on her cheeks. "Can I come in? It's freezing out here and I don't think this ladder is stable." She nodded and helped me into her room quietly.

"You're crazy you know that. You should be home resting after the day you've had." I leaned against her dresser and played with one of her many stuffed animals.

"Yeah, I might be crazy. What can I say? I'm in love with you." I looked deeply into her eyes and set the stuffed animal down.

"W-what did you say?" I placed myself in front of her and grabbed her hands.

"I said... I'm in love with you, Kornkamon Phetpailin." She grinned from ear to ear.

"I'm in love with you too, teerak." She kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. While we kissed, I gently guided her to the bed. I removed some of the things that were on it and laid her down slowly.

I traced soft kisses on her neck as I started unbuttoning her shirt. Mon pushed me away carefully. I grabbed her hands and placed them above her head kissing her once more.

"Sam..."

"I need you Mon." I stared into her eyes. "I need all of you."