3rd person POV
Giyuu has just finished his mission, he had to kill lower moon 2 which wasn't really that much of a challenge other than his annoying blood demon art.
The master was really happy since killing a lower moon means they're getting closer and closer to killing muzan, which giyuu thinks is bullshit but he will never and i mean NEVER say it Infront of his master.
Shinobu told giyuu to go to her estate to check on him since he had some small injuries but he didn't care they're not that serious of an injury and he can't deal with shinobu's "bullying" right now, okay to be honest his kinda glad that shinobu is the only one who makes efforts to talk to him and maybe mitsuri and rengoku too so he wouldn't really call it "bullying" since she just tries to make him talk more
Giyuu's POV
I'm walking back to my estate right now and all i wanna do is lay on my bed and sleep.....forever, I'm sick of my life why am I even a hashira i don't even deserve to be one, there's way more talented demon slayers that deserve to be here but here i am, "I'm exhausted that demon was so annoying, but... Maybe I shouldn't sleep right now i kinda want to.." giyuu said while heading to his bathroom and opening his drawer, he took out a small blade which anyone can tell it is really sharp just by looking at it.
30 minutes later
"I did it again i cut myself, as much as i try to stop doing it i can't, it's the only way i feel relieved and all the stress that i had from the mission is gone now." giyuu is now laying on the bathroom floor his whole arm is bleeding and he can feel the pain but..it's a good type of pain, a type of pain that would help you get through the stress and depression you deal with "shinobu won't like this.." he said while looking at all the cuts he caused to himself " I'll clean this up and head to sleep" he got up from the bathroom floor and started to clean his cuts and put the blade back inside of the drawer.
........It was now the middle of the night, it had been 4 hours since giyuu went to his home but he still can't sleep all of his negative thoughts are starting to come again, he thought maybe, just maybe this night they won't come but all he can hear right now is "just kill yourself.. your worth nothing no one will care if you die they will be happy getting rid of a useless weak hashira, sabito should be the one in your place he should be the water hashira , you couldn't even protect your sister from the demon...it was her wedding day"
" Stop...stop...STOP"he started breathing faster and his world is starting to turn black "i-im not useless..." giyuu can't take it anymore his been dealing with those thoughts for as long as he can remember, he can't handle it anymore he wants them gone he wants to live a normal life, is it so much to ask for?Giyuu has finally decided, maybe those thoughts are true, maybe he really is useless and he should just kill himself...
3rd person POV
Giyuu is now walking to a random cliff that he knows, that cliff is close to the wind estate and he hopes that no one see's him
He has been to this cliff for at least 5 times each time he would just stare into the distance and go back home, but this time he did not come for the view.... He came to kill himself
He keeps taking footsteps forward but his still not sure, does he really want to take his life the life he worked so hard to get, the life his sister and sabito protected just so he can live.
and just as he was about to change his mind, they came back....the thoughts "do it no one will care do you really think sabito and tsutako want you to live they hate you, they hate that they protected you just do it stop ruining people's lives no one likes you your just a burden to everyone's life" giyuu was in tears those thoughts really have a way on breaking his heart, "that's it I'm done all i have to do is just walk a few more inches it's not that hard right?"
Nope it's very hard, giyuu is a coward his scared....his scared of taking his life but he still can't back away now there's only so much left only a few centimeters.
He kept on walking, slower than a turtle his very scared yet he just can't live anymore his will to live is gone, He can't think of one reason to keep him from jumping, that's it....his now on the edge of the cliff only one more step and his done for.
He already took off his shoes so now all he has to do is close his eyes and let the world take him...he doesn't even know if he will make it to heaven at this point.
He was gonna do it, he was finally gonna do it, but of course someone had to save him , someone had to ruin all of his plans the one time he had actually been brave enough to jump off, he doesn't know at this point does the universe really hate him that much why can't it let him have a peaceful time only once in his life
He couldn't figure out who helped him he passed out right after someone held him, it's probably one of hashira's but he couldn't care all he can think about right now is...nothing
His whole vision is black.
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his will to live (Sanegiyuu)
Fanfictiontomioka giyuu 20 years old his the water hashira for 2 years now, everyone thinks he must be living his best life, i mean being a hashira means he gets paid a lot of money and he can support his family but in reality his sick and tired of everything...