I often tried to suffocate myself with my pillow.Please god don’t let me wake up.
I wasn’t strong enough to defeat air, to not inhale.Disgusted by my breach, I would rehabilitate pillows from weapon back to head support
and fall asleep, but sleeping never helped it only made me feel worse, and I'd keep trying over and over again until the point where I wouldn't fall asleep and just lay and stare into the empty darkness surrounding me praying that something would end me and my life of panic and pain but nothing happened so I waited days,months, years and still nothing so I continued my attempts at taking my own life. Some had said I was only seeking attention from someone when, in reality, I was silently dying and wasting, so I turned to Marijuana and that seemed to make me feel better but after a while it just made me lost in a river of my own thoughts stuck in my own mind for hours on end until I blacked out for longer then humanly possible then i would repeat the same thing over and over until it just stopped and my eating disorder showed at first I felt alive and amazing but after the first week I started to feel weeker and weeker till the point I was hospitalized for 3 months when I left nothing had changed I was still wanting to end my life so my attempts started again and one night it had almost killed me if the paramedics hadn't shown and revived me I will never forget that night june/25/2021 11:46 pm it runs through my mind Taunting me day after day untill I was hospitalized again for 2 months and while I was there I had met a girl who seemed to make me Want to live and be happy that changed the day I left only to see her being rushed to the emergency room.I had lost my best friend that night I will never be able to forget it. People wonder why I always want to end my life well. That's because they have no idea what I've been through :)...
