God Bones

Chapter 29: Till Death Do We Part

As the wedding drew closer and closer, it was a fight to maintain my appetite and keep my food down.

I couldn't sleep without my meds and as a result, I felt groggy and spaced out for the remaining days. I could barely function. This is going to be irreversible, so maybe I wasn't overreacting. I thought of running away, multiple times, but this chateau was in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't drive. Yet another thing I lacked. I felt like an absolute idiot. I signed up for this. I had a chance to get out and I didn't take it.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to cry and throw something at my father. The very father who protected me and cared for me in the absence of my mom.

How can you even think such things?

My anger turned to sadness and misery. Flames turned into tears. The world was slipping away from under my feet and I can't control it.

I've always had a tough time controlling my emotions and I still do. It was blatantly obvious for anyone who knew me. I cried easily, I laughed easily. My temper was intense but never anything more than transient. I got stressed very easily, and Dad knew that. He held me when I cried at night and calmed me down when I had panic attacks. He took care of me.

So why?

Why is this happening?

My father always thought I was too fragile to handle the realities of the world. He and Sera kept me sheltered, only for this?

To leave me here alone in such a dangerous situation? Wasn't it right of me to be fucking pissed?

Was it fair of him, to raise me like I was made of glass, to have no confidence in my mental health or fighting abilities whatsoever, and to then expect me to be strong?

To keep me away from their affairs because I was too delicate and then dump me in an arena with a God?

Fuck fairness.

I was angry. I was so angry. I tried to push the thoughts away but they circled back again and again and again and fucking again as reality sunk in.

My sacrifice wasn't noble or an act of bravery. It was an act of foolishness.

I hated Sera for getting hurt.

I hated my father for raising me differently.

But everything was not their fault.

Rhys had told me my depression was a monster that I myself created. He wasn't wrong.

It was my own fault for setting my expectations high enough for the fall to hurt. It was my own fault that I couldn't handle the jealousy and resentment and let it eat at my happiness till nothing was left. It made me a shell of what I was.

I really didn't want to see my father and the rest of the Hellis. I can't face them. I don't want to think of them.

Maybe I was fragile, like they said.

Maybe I'm not strong or brave.

Maybe I'm just pathetic.

I clenched my teeth. I held onto my anger. I desperately didn't want it to leave me out here in the cold.

Sometimes, I think the only pieces of steel I had in my body had been forged from anger.

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The wedding planner I'd hired had done a fantastic job.

I had always dreamed about my wedding, every detail of if it. I never imagined I would feel like this. I was too tired and didn't care. I just wanted to get it over with, so I went along with whatever she said.