RAISING BLAKE

CHAPTER 39

Miracles are real

"baby what's wrong." My ma asks as she serves both me and Alisha pancakes. "nothing ma don't worry about me." she puts the plate down. "don't worry? Really Malik worrying is all I do not as much for Alisha cause she's independent but you? I worry about you everyday hoping that your taking your meds that your not getting back on drugs that your not getting arrested or hitting any women or getting them pregnant all I do is worry about you Malik so tell me what is wrong before I die of overthinking syndrome."

"honestly ma don't worry about it or me im clean and plan on staying that way and I haven't been sleeping with anyone in a while." She raises an eyebrow. "fine I just miss my daughter that's all OK. She's getting a check up today to see her progress and I'm just hoping it goes well because I can't stop thinking about her what would happen if her progress was worse would she have to stay in the nicu for longer... Could she die."

"baby..." My ma sits down preparing to give me yet another speech. "no ma I don't want a speech today OK my daughter is turning 1 years old in a month and I havent held her for fuck sake I haven't even heard her cry yet I haven't spent a night with her OK I have a right to feel this way I dont want a fucking speech." i say the anger building up inside me.

It goes completely silent. I take a deep breath staring down at my plate. "I'm sorry ma." She doesn't say anything. "I'm just worried about my daughter you know." i get up walking upstairs and into Blakelyn prepared room sitting on the rocking chair in the corner.

My phone rings so I dig it out of my pocket seeing aikos number I swipe up putting it to my ears. "she's out." she cries out in my ear. "who's out darling."
"our baby girl she can come home." She sobs my heart stops my jaw drops I have no words. I'm so happy but the feeling of being a father suddenly hits I'm so unprepared. I was preparing for a newborn this whole time but my baby is nearly 1 years old.

"ill meet you at the hospital." i hang up running downstairs and back into the kitchen where my sister and ma ate in silence. "She's out ma." She look at me Confused as I stood smiling at her like the Cheshire Cat. "Blakelyns coming home." she drops her fork and stands up squealing like a little girl before hugging me tight rocking us back and forth and laughing.

I look at Alisha she didn't look happy for me at all she sat there looking at us with her arms crossed I give her a confused look also mouthing what's wrong whilst my head leaned on my mother's shoulder. She just shook her head and began to eat her pancakes again. She's always been a bitch towards me and ma. She's mad that I'm ma's favourite and gets more of ma's attention but going through what I went through with my dad whilst my sister saw the best part of my dad isn't easy.

I get more of my ma's love and attention because we both faced what we faced together and stook together like glue trying to protect one another my mother respects me and loves me more because even though she hated how much I tried to save her and lessen the beating she got from my dad and in result got beat worse she love admired and respected me for the bravery I had to save her.

Where as my sister was a daddys girl and didn't see the bad side of him. She saw the dad who took her to play dates and to the park and to get ice scream and ride a bike she saw the dad who treated her like a princess and had not a single bad bone in his body she never really knew what happened or understood what happened outside of her blossom pink bedroom when we were kids. And didn't understand why I hated our father or why ma and dad divorced resulting in us two never really being close and having arguements all the time.

Yet any Chance she got she liked to throw the phrase 'your just like dad' In my face not because she was angry not because she understood what my dad did was wrong and bad and a crime. No she did it because she knew what affect it had on me how I didn't want to be anything like my father and how bad the panic attacks got and how bad I overthought about that phrase when she said it.

She was angry when dad left she hated me she hated ma for taking the one person that 'understood' and 'loved' her the most away but the more she grew up the more she realised what actually went down yet she didn't care she wanted her dad. But as I was saying the more she grew the less she missed him and the more jealous she got of mine and ma's relationship.

But this. this fucking annoyed me. My daughter had been in the nicu for 11 months with heart and lung problems and shes finally coming out today and she's sat there angry, jealous that my mother is hugging me. Shes not even happy that her niece is OK that shes going to live a normal life that she's out of that plastic cage. No. Nothing. Just a bitchy fucking face.

I pull away from my mother giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze as I do so. "i gotta go get her Im meeting Aiko at the hospital."

She wipes away a tear with her knuckle before nodding. I grab my car keys and make my way down to the hospital.

I'm finally gonna hold my daughter.