i don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you (Ted Lasso)

but who could stay?

jamie:
[hey, u still coming 2 the game on Saturday?]
[thea?]

colin:
[are we still on for our lesson tonight?]
[if not it's ok like, but just let me know]
[hey, I tried calling but its going straight to the answering machine?]
[everything ok?]

jamie:
[came round earlier 2 grab some stuff]
[casey said u were out]
[we're alright right?]

Jamie:
[pls come today]
[dads in the crowd]

It has been almost a fortnight since Casey broke things off with Jamie when Thea gets the text.

It's the latest in a long line of texts that Thea hasn't answered. She knows that it's not good of her to do this. To ignore him. But she can't think of another way to let him go that won't cause more problems. Because, like she told Casey, there's no reason for her to be friends with Jamie now. Or, at least, no good reason. And she didn't want to wait around for him to realise who she really was. That girl frozen at twenty-one who ruined everything she touched.

So, she tried to disappear.

It has worked in the past. More than once actually. But this isn't like all those other times. She can't move across the country or use the daze of being off her meds as an excuse. And, more than that, she doesn't particularly want to disappear.

So, here she is, getting dressed after three days in bed to try and find a way to get across town before the match ends.

Casey is out on a shoot, so she can't give Thea a lift. Which leaves Thea with the option to try and get a taxi or risk public transport. Fuck. She checks for available Ubers. Half an hour wait. Forty-five minutes left until full time. Fuck.

In a moment of desperation, Thea starts to walk. Later, when she's analysing every second of this day, she'll try to pinpoint the exact reason she felt so strongly about being there for him. If it was because he was her friend or if it was some sort of do over for every person that she hadn't been there for. If, even now, she's still the same selfish kid she had been all those years ago.

Almost an hour later, she is at the stadium. According to her phone, there's been ten minutes of extra time, so she should be able to make it to the locker-room before his dad does. She's lucky that they recognise her at the door. Maybe they've been warned ahead. Either way, they let her in.

The locker-room is already full when she gets there. She knocks twice on the door and waits for someone to open the door. Luckily for her, it's the one other person who might understand why she's there.

"Thea," Ted says. "Nice to see you back."

"Is Jamie here?" She asks. A small part of her hopes that he's gone straight home. That he walked off of the pitch to his stupidly expensive car and escaped before his dad even had chance to leave his seat. "I, uh, he asked me to come down."

The adrenaline that has fuelled her since getting the text has stated to peter out. She feels stupid for coming to the locker-room. She should have just called Jamie from outside. He probably doesn't even want to see her now.

"He's in my office," Ted said quietly. "You wanna come in?"

The dejavú of it all sends a shiver down Thea's spine. She knows that this time she has to do better. That, if this is the last time she plans on seeing Jamie, she has to do right by him.

"If that's alright," she says, following him through the locker-room and into the office. Colin calls her name as she passes and she sends him an apologetic smile. That's another mess she'll have to fix later.