Mirrorball (Jamie Tartt)

but i don't, I just sit here and wait, grieving for the living

Her parents send Christmas Cards and she leaves them unopened in a box with everything else they 've ever sent.

It's not them. Not really. Thea doesn't open any cards these days. There's a stack on the counter from the people at Nelson Road that she hasn't had the courage to deal with yet. Another couple in her bag from neighbours who'd caught her in the hallway and the families of the kids she teaches. No doubt, in the coming days, she'll get a couple more.

Casey, to her credit, doesn't leave anything.

Her version of gift-giving is to just leave things in Thea's life and hope that she doesn't notice until it's too late to give them back.

Which is how Thea ends up eating her favourite take-away - a double helping of pad Thai and a triple chocolate brownie with two scoops of Ferrero-Rocher ice-cream - at quarter to ten on Saturday night. It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to her. She'd put off shopping enough that her cupboards were well and truly empty. Before Casey's unexpected gift, she'd been planing on having a plate full of cream crackers and butter.

Thea scrolls through wall of texts that Casey has sent her over the past half an hour. 'Are you up?' 'Are you in?' 'You better have eaten!' 'Oh my god, I bet you haven't even eaten.' 'Mum says you need to come up next time.' 'She'd never let you go to bed without eating.' 'I'm fixing this.' 'Fairy God Casey to the rescue.' 'You better be in, I swear to god.' 'Do you miss me?' 'I miss you.' 'Food is on it's way.'

She types out her own message.

"You're the best."

Texting has never been her strong suit.

"I know," Casey responds. "Love you."

It's one of those rare nights where Thea finds herself completely alone. No Casey in the other room. No Jamie at the end of her phone. No Colin, who has yet to acknowledge that she still exists. Just Thea, her empty flat, and the film that she's not really paying attention to.

Usually, this kind of night would be her idea of heaven.

But tonight, she just feels restless.

The four walls of her living-room feel far too much like a cage for her liking. The logical part of her brain knows that it's not. She's not trapped. She could have gone out as well, if she'd really wanted to. But that isn't to say that her choices aren't slightly limited. Jamie's on a work night out and she can't exactly just invite herself to that. Casey is six hours away and, even if she wasn't, it's not like Thea could just impose on her time with her family. Not drinking makes a solo trip to the pub a nightmare. Being a woman makes being able to go for a walk impossible. Like the world's worst check list, every one of her options is crossed out one-by-one.

So, no, she's not trapped, but it sort of feels like she is.

It wasn't always like this.

Thea never had a ton of mates, but she'd always had enough to keep her going.

If it wasn't her cousin, who she spent every waking minute with growing up, it was her schools friends. Girls who were happy to meet her on a Saturday or spend hours chatting on a weekday. As she got older, it became Aria or the girls on her crew. No matter where she was, someone was always happy to spend time with her.

Now it felt like she was scrambling to find company that weren't obliged to be nice to her.

Sighing, she stretches back and thumps her head against the pillow.

"Are you having a good night?" She types into her phone, reading those six words over and over before finally deleting them one by one. "Hope you're having fun!" She tries, unsuccessfully, before throwing her phone across the sofa.