Mirrorball (Jamie Tartt)

sweet dreams of holly and ribbon, mistakes are forgiven

Casey goes away for Christmas.

It's all a bit short notice, but it's not unexpected. As tumultuous as the relationship between her and her family can be, they always end up together for the important things. Christmas. Landmark birthdays. Celebrity funerals. A small part of Thea had wondered if this year would be different. Some of Casey's extended family had been less than supportive during that mess with the press earlier in the year. But, as it turns out, being publicly humiliated in the national papers can do amazing things for bringing some families back together.

Funny that.

So, Casey leaves and it takes a lot of strength for Thea not to invite Jamie round immediately.

But she still hasn't told him about her falling out with Colin. He's not stupid, he's probably picked up on the fact that her social circle has shrunken down to numbers previously unheard of, but he hasn't brought it up and she's not going expedite that process.

Because, the more time that passes, the more Thea is able to convince herself that keeping it a secret is actually the best thing to do.

It's not just the Casey of it all, though she'd rather not deal with the fallout from that, but it's the rest of it. It's the comments she sees when another footballer, one a lot more famous than Jamie, posts a photo with his girlfriend. The thirst for blood mixed with a complete lack of empathy. The speculation from daytime TV panellists about female celebrities and their right to peace. The threat of her uncle. Ever looming. The knowledge that it doesn't matter what he's been found guilty of in the past, someone will always give him the chance to speak.

There is no way that she can be with Jamie and not collapse under it all.

Anyway, it's not the secret that's the problem. Not really. It's the lackadaisical approach to keeping it that's caused the majority of her problems.

If she'd been better at keeping it a secret, Colin might not be ignoring her texts right now.

And, sure, she understands where he'd been coming from. She's dissected that conversation so many times that it's impossible not to. But he hadn't understood. Not really. She HAD to do this.

Not just to protect herself, but to protect Jamie too.

Or, at least, that's what she keeps telling herself.

It's an endless loop in her mind. Over and over again until it's not even words anymore.

She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this. She has to do this.

It's not the most perfect logic. If she really cared about protecting them, she wouldn't have let it happen to begin with. She'd have kept her distance in the beginning. Let it all fizzle away. But she hadn't and now all that's left is to make sure that she doesn't live to regret it.

So, instead of calling, she decides to do something by herself.

Which is how she ends up at a Christmas Market in town.

It's busy enough that it doesn't matter who she is or what dire state her life has found its way into. Her face is hidden behind a thick, wool scarf and her fidgeting hands are pushed deep into her pockets.

Years ago, Thea and her mum used to go to Christmas Markets up and down the country. It was their little tradition. One of Thea's earliest memories had been visiting Santa's grotto at their local market and one of her last memories of her mum was standing in York, debating the cuteness of homemade decorations. She'd been so certain that they'd grow out of when Thea got famous. There was always so much to do and no time to do it. Something or someone who always wanted her away from home. But that hadn't mattered in the end. The years that Thea missed the markets, her mum brought the markets to her. The dining room table packed with knick-knacks and flasks of baileys hot chocolate pre-prepared on the kitchen counter.