Salt Lake City, Utah
2 days later (9am)
STARING OUT THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW AS THE SUNSET kaizen fidget with his hands as he counted backward from 10 repeatedly attempting to calm himself before another episode occurred but the voices were becoming unbearable.
Kill her! Kill her now kaizen! She's only gonna make things worse for us
He had been hearing the same chant for the last 3 hours as he stood in the same spot for just as long. He didn't want to wake sage, he figured he'd learn to do it on his own and save her some trouble but it was becoming hard.
"babe?" Sage voiced was heard from behind him starling him as he slowly turned to be meet with her soft dopey eyes "what's the matter? you okay?" She tried reaching for his hands but he only jacked away.
"please don't touch me" he softly spoke almost as if he was scared that her touching him was gonna activate the request his inner demon TOP so dearly wanted him to complete.
Kill her now, this is our chance, to be free!
Groaning his grabbed his head before turning back to look at the sunset, it seemed to calm his nerves watching as the sky reaped of orange, red and yellow tint. It was amazing how the nightfall turned into a brighten day.
"baby—" she once again reached from him but something switched something that she couldn't explain and had never seen in kaizen.
"Don't fucking touch me!" He shoved her slightly "im trying not to do it to you but you making this hard— you— you making me want to do it—- and I don't wanna do it" his eyes were darker than his normal light honey brown and he paced the floor as he tried to contain his behavior but he couldn't lie and say his inner demons weren't winning at the moment.
"you so fucking sick! you tryna slime me out? you wanna see my downfall? you tryna play me like imma puss a— like ima hoe ah sum? Huh?" He yelled confusing sage as to where these thoughts of his were coming from.
"what—- no— i— kaizen what's going on?" She asked lost for words and slowly backing away to retrieve herself from any mishaps he may attempt to do.
"you don't love me fr, you using me mane. You only here because of what I offer—- I'm so fucking dum. Nobody will ever love me" he repeated as he hit his hand on his head as if he was tryna convince himself of those words.
"what?—I do love you baby. I love you the most, your the best thing that's ever happened to me. Look at me kaizen" she slowly walked towards him "don't let him get to you, whatever he's telling you baby it's a lie. I'm right here— I'm with you. I love you remember baby?" She panicked but had to keep calm knowing any small thing could trigger him more.
Don't listen to her kaizen, don't you dare!
"It's okay baby, see it's just me— I'm not gonna hurt you. I love you bubba come here" she softly wrapped her arms around him from behind as he turned his back away from her, slightly embarrassed that he let top influence and take over his actions once again.
He couldn't help it, it's like he was no longer in control of himself when TOP wanted to be in control, he was indeed in control rather kaizen fought him back or not.
"you don't mean any of that you said baby and I know that, it's okay— alright? It's okay. I'm here" she softly rubbed his back as she hugged him from behind feeling his body softly calm down from the trembling he was doing before.
"I'm sorry" kaizen choked out "im fucked up— you deserve so much better and I can't give you that. I'm fucked up, im not normal" he softly spoke quoting some of the things his own mother 'Sheronda' told him as a child and some the things TOP also made him believe.
