Eminem FanFictions Rant

7

• She's always WAY too accepting. For example:

"Hey baby... look, um... I kinda cheated on you..." Marshall said, looking really guilty. "2634738283 times..." he added. Wow! Good for him! I always knew Marshall had his way with the ladies!
"Really? I'm not mad at all, I'm totally fine with that!" I flashed him my pearly whites and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

NOT LIKELY.

• Why does Papaya Banana Pomegranate Grapefruit always have an ex boyfriend who is out to kill her?

• 'Marshall's peroxide hair'. For example:

Marshall rapped to his peroxide hair.
Marshall ate peroxide hair
Marshall shit in his peroxide hair.

• Why is his dick always called 'Mini Shady'?

• Why does he have a boner every chapter? For example:

Chapter 10: Marshall's boner was poking me as we spooned while watching Calliou.
Chapter 11: Mini Shady was hard and he nudged my elbow as I took a shit.

No.

• She's always so rich that she has money going out of her ass. Like she shits money.

• She always looks through his drawer and he catches her. For example:

I was looking for money in Marshall's drawers. Yes, I am a gold digging slut and I love it. I opened one of his drawers and saw many pill bottles, most of them already empty. I put two of them in the deep valley between my Z cup boobs. Suddenly the door barged and I closed the drawer quickly.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted at me. I thought of something quick.
"I was looking for tampons."

Mhmm, slick.

• Her friend (Grade A Whore) is always pressuring her to have sex with Marshall. For example:

I was meeting up with Grade A Whore today for lunch at The Place Where Basic Bitches Go.
"Hey Papaya Banana Pomegranate." Grade A Whore said to me.
"Hey Grade A Whore."
"How're you and Eminem doing."
"We're doing fine. He won't let me meet his children yet, even though we've already been dating for two days."
"That sucks. Well, you need to hurry up and fuck him so I can tell everyone that my best friend fucked Eminem."
"Ugh, you know that I don't fuck that early. Except for that one time. Actually those 73632727727336272 times. Enough about me. How're you doing?"
"We'll I was at the club and I hooked up with a man... he's married with 12 children! So dreamy, am I right?"

No bitch. You is wrong. Leave dat Boy Alone.

• Remember how she knew nothing about sports? Then all of a sudden, she knows everything.

Marshall was watching the Pistons play the Raptors.
"Wow! Greg Monroe is having a great game, isn't he! Already at 22 points and it's only the 2nd? He might even get a triple double! That shot from downtown was phenomenal! He needs to work on his free throws though... that may cost his team in the 4th... But the bench is doing so great this year!"

When did you into Ms. Basketball Guru? When you didn't even know was a basketball was?

• Cheesy prologues. For example:

Prologue

Before I met him, I only needed three men in my life: Ciroc, Crystal, and Chris. But that all changed. That's all changed when I met him. Nate Mathers...' brother. Marshall Mathers.

*hands her the Bible*

• Really weird kinks/fetishes. For example:

Marshall and I developed a habit where he would fart on me. I loved it. Just the smell of ass and fart made my insides stir and my panties wet.

*throws her the Bible, holy water, and a rosary*

A/N: hey i actually studied for some of my finals today (after taking a nap of course)