she walks across the cliff edge

she loves me, that's why she does it

Courtney always hated these cliff walks. The wind was far too sharp, and it seemed to sting even more in the immense quiet - the area was almost entirely isolated in the evening. She much preferred the nearby beach below, but Heather would always insist on avoiding it. The sand would get in her hair, her shoes or whatever other expensive accessory she had decided to bring with her despite Courtney telling her to just leave it at home.

It reached a boiling point a week ago when Courtney's family decided to celebrate her nephew's birthday party there. Heather was in one of her bad moods and spent the whole day sulking upon her beach towel underneath the parasol and her designer shades, Courtney felt her distain burning into her like a candle knocked onto a rug. One of those flowery candles she'd decorate her bathing sessions with, to show she cared.

Maybe 'care' wasn't a good word to describe Heather. Sure, she paid attention when she needed to, but she never rolled any aspect of Courtney around in her brain, let it freeze in her mind to defrost when she wanted to please her. She was almost never concerned about pleasing her. Courtney wasn't even sure if Heather knew what her eye colour was - last time she asked, Heather shrugged and went back to painting her nails.

But she knew how to push her over the edge.

Heather had approached her the moment Courtney's family had left, after she'd sat out of the mingling and 'happy birthday' singing, Courtney was stood in the sea, watching the way the sunlight gleamed on her perfectly manicured toenails like shattered glass. She didn't even notice Heather was there until she heard a loud cough behind her. Heather told her it was time to leave, Courtney's eyes narrowed. She mentioned how she didn't get to go to the beach often, why couldn't she enjoy herself a little longer? Heather complained about being forced to go to a kid's party and called her selfish, that had pushed her over the edge. The argument had escalated, and Heather had pushed her over into the sea. Courtney returned home hours later, wet, cold and upset. Heather didn't ask where she'd been.

Tonight's date was supposed to be an apology.

It was a sweet idea, sure. If Courtney didn't dislike the cliff edge so much. Deep down, this was all for Heather, to satisfy her conscience - or to make sure Courtney didn't hold it against her. Courtney told her she didn't need to apologise, and that she was over it. Heather scoffed.

"I'm trying to do something nice, why do you need to make it difficult?"

Heather would always get annoyed when Courtney complained about the cliff edge. After all, she'd say, it was Courtney who insisted on getting the house here. It had been far out of their budget, sure. But Heather liked it, so Courtney liked it. It wasn't all bad, anyway, the view was nice, and the air was cleaner than the city. She missed the city, Heather would roll her eyes every time she brought it up. A few months ago, Courtney met up with a friend there, she spent most of the reunion complaining about Heather. She remembers the friend asking her afterwards:

"So why are you still with her?"

Courtney didn't know how to answer that.

Maybe it's because Heather had been there during her last relationship failure. She comforted her after Duncan had cheated, when her best (and only, at the time) friend betrayed her, she'd reassure her that she'd never treat her like that. Courtney later found out that Heather had voted against her. It didn't hurt at the time, it was 'old Heather', after all, but looking back, those moments of comfort didn't seem so sweet.

Heather pulled her out of her fantasy once again, she wanted Courtney to take a picture of her. Courtney asked why, her question being nearly drowned out by a passing seagull squawking.

"Are you kidding? My hair looks totally great here, it's got a major blowout effect. Can't you tell?"

Courtney wiped away her own brown hair that the wind had smacked across her face, and wordlessly took the phone from her hands. Instead of snapping a picture of her lover, as requested, she found her attention drifting over to a cloud floating just behind the cliff, hanging above the sea. It was shadowed against the evening sky, like ink splattered across a beautiful sunset painting.

Like watching her own dark eyes in a mirror.

"Did you take it yet?"

Courtney mumbled something and quickly took the picture, handing the phone back to Heather to inspect it.

"Took you long enough. Thanks."

Her gratitude was about as tacked on as an 'x' at the end of a text message to pretend there was no anger dripping from it. Courtney sighed and continued further down the path. Heather jogged slightly to keep up.

"Woah! What's with the rush all of a sudden?"

Courtney sighed again and said she was cold so she just wanted to get home. Heather rolled her eyes at her.

"I knew it. You're still mad."

Courtney huffed and told her that her pace had nothing to do with her temperament. Courtney also told her that maybe she had good reason to still be upset after having to walk home late, alone and soaked to the skin.

"Come on. You didn't have to stay out for that long - or did you only stay out to spite me?"

Courtney was not in the mood to argue with her. She continued walking. Heather's harshness bothered her more than she was willing to admit, she felt stupid for letting it burrow into her brain like an illness. It was just teasing, all couples do it. She does it because she loves her.

"Give me all the silent treatment you want, y'know, maybe Duncan will talk to me instead."

There Heather was again, dancing herself closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, driving Courtney further and further over the edge. Heather loved to push her buttons, tapping each one to see what would make her break the fastest. Courtney would always retaliate, react the way Heather wanted her to. Courtney followed her in her dance, their destructive tango, until they were in each other's arms and she couldn't pull away.

But she could always let go.

Heather laughed. Courtney felt something shift within her, she and Heather didn't love each other. Not really, not in any rational sense. Maybe their relationship killed any sense of rationality within Courtney because she found herself marching towards Heather. In that moment, Courtney wanted Heather out of her life. She knew it would happen eventually, the sun always sets, the tide always falls, and a dance comes to a close when the music ends. A thought had sparked in her irrational mind.

If she falls off a cliff like that... Then there will be nothing left of her.

And she danced closer and closer and closer and closer and closer to the edge.

***

Heather Bélanger (24 years old) has been found dead at the bottom of a cliff. She went missing three days ago. Cause remains unknown.