River (Book 1) A Warriors Fanfiction

"I Hate Herbs"

•Sunpaw•

Sunpaw sighed. He had just started training as a medicine cat apprentice.

     He hated it.

     Barkpaw was nice, but Willowleaf acted as though she had ants in her pelt all the time. He missed Brackenstar already. The SkyClan leader had been very kind to him. He had helped Sunpaw point out the bright side of things. He had left at sunhigh. It was almost moonhigh now. Brackenstar had been in the ThunderClan camp for just over a quarter moon. Sunpaw could tell that even though he had been fun and happy, he had been longing to go home. He must have been very happy already.
     Sunpaw wasn't happy. He felt like he hadn't made any progress. He could barely tell the difference between marigold and borage. Even Barkpaw was getting frustrated with him. He was being treated horribly for not knowing the different herbs. He wished more than anything that he were in his brother's position. He wished that Lightstar hadn't consented to Willowleaf's demand. He despised the prickly she-cat more than anything.
     He longed to be with Moonpaw practicing his battle moves. He couldn't even try to hunt without Willowleaf breathing down his neck. He was currently reciting the names of the herbs he knew under his breath. The golden apprentice knew he would never hear the end of it if he woke Willowleaf up.
"Borage. For helping queens with their milk supply. Tansy. For bellyaches. Marigold. For sore paws." He shook his head. "Tansy. For coughs. Coltsfoot. For sore paws. Marigold. For poultices on wounds." He growled softly. "Coltsfoot. For breathing. Marigold. For infections and wounds. Dock leaves. For sore pads." He grinned triumphantly. That was right. He started again.
     "Borage. For fever and queen's milk supply. Tansy, for coughing. Coltsfoot for breathing. Marigold for infections and wounds. Dock leaves for sore pads. Feverfew for fever." He purred softly and laid down in his nest. A rustle sounded near him.
     "Sunpaw! What are you doing?" Willowleaf snapped. Sunpaw rolled his eyes in the dark and ignored her. He closed his eyes sleepily. Suddenly a yowl ripped through the air like claws in his pelt. He, Barkpaw, and Willowleaf sat bolt upright. He and Willowleaf raced out of the den while Barkpaw prepared herbs.
     "What's happened?" The brown she-cat asked anxiously. Sunpaw had never heard this much emotion in her voice before.
     "It's Cheetahstride. He was attacked on our patrol." The patrol leader, Foxcatcher, mewed reported worriedly. Willowleaf called for Barkpaw.
     "Barkpaw! Fetch any useful herbs you can think of." She turned back to Foxcatcher. Sunpaw's eyes flicked back and forth between his mentor and his father. "Who did this?" Willowleaf asked.
     "We don't know. It's dark out there, and we didn't smell a thing. We didn't even hear anyone approach." He mewed. Moonpaw was beside him.
     "I heard a twig snap." His eyes shone in the pale moonlight. Foxcatcher rounded on him.
     "Why didn't you tell the patrol?" He demanded. Moonpaw shrank under his fierce gaze.
     "I just thought it was a piece of prey of some sort." He said sheepishly. Sunpaw came and sat beside him to comfort his brother.
     "A piece of prey?" Foxcatcher screeched. "Just a piece of prey? That so called piece of prey almost got your mentor killed!" He lashed his tail.
     "What's going here? Foxcatcher, why are you yelling at your son?" Lightstar wove between father and son. He let his tail rest on the orange tom's shoulder. Sunpaw saw his father tense visibly.
     "Moonpaw mistook whoever attacked Cheetahstride as some sort of prey." He snarled. Sunpaw looked around anxiously until his gaze fell on the injured form of Cheetahstride. Willowleaf and Barkpaw were tending to him.
     "Sunpaw." Barkpaw called softly. "Come help us. This experience might help you." Sunpaw padded over; reluctant to help, but relieved to be away from the quarreling. He sat down beside Barkpaw.
     "What do you need help with?" He asked.
     "Could you fetch me some marigold?" The brown tabby nodded toward the medicine den. Sunpaw nodded, but his belly tightened. Shoot. I don't know what marigold looks like. He thought. He raced to the cleft at the back of the den. He sniffed until he found something that he thought might be marigold. He pulled a few leaves out and brought them back to Barkpaw. His fellow apprentice shook his head.
     "I'll go get it. You stay here, Sunpaw. Why don't you help Willowleaf?" He mewed kindly. Sunpaw glared at him as he turned his back to the golden apprentice. He knew that the older apprentice was trying to be nice, but he was fed up with getting shamed about not knowing stuff. He walked over to Willowleaf.
     "Do you need any help?" He asked. She huffed.
     "No." She snapped. "Go to sleep or comfort your brother or something. You're no use here." She turned back to Cheetahstride's limp body. The spotted tom was unconscious. Sunpaw sighed. He turned to go to his nest in the den, but Moonpaw intercepted him.
"Hey." He mewed. "Want to sleep with me, tonight?" Sunpaw nodded, suddenly feeling tired. He yawned. Moonpaw chuckled and lead him back to the apprentice's den. Sunpaw curled up next to his brother gratefully. Soon his brother was fast asleep. Sunpaw began to feel restless. He stood up carefully and stepped over Moonpaw.
     "I thought you were asleep." Sunpaw looked around to see Lightstar sitting there. The white tom laughed softly.
     "I couldn't sleep." He replied.
"I saw how Barkpaw and Willowleaf treated you. I want you to know that I don't agree with their behavior." Lightstar's gaze softened, and he looked Sunpaw in the eye. Sunpaw knew he really meant it, but he just shrugged.
"It's fine. Besides, Barkpaw hasn't really done anything." He avoided meeting his leader's eyes.
"I can tell that you don't believe your own words." Lightstar shifted his paws. Sunpaw looked away, unable to respond.
"S'all right." He mumbled eventually. Lightstar came and sat beside him. He curled his tail around the small apprentice.
"You're not alright. I can see it clear as day. You're struggling. You resent me for my decision. Look me in the eye, son. Tell me truth." Lightstar looked at him almost imploringly. Sunpaw scooted away angrily.
"Don't 'son' me! You have no idea what I've gone through. I've lost everything. My mother, my dream of becoming a warrior, my close relationship with my brother, my happiness, for StarClan's sake. Everything I've ever known is gone!" Sunpaw didn't care that he'd raised his voice; He didn't care that Moonpaw was staring at him, wide-eyed. "I bet you didn't know what is was like to lose your mother when you were four moons old. I know when my father is going to die. I know what my brother's warrior name is going to be, and who his mate is going to be.
"I know how your former mate died. I know she hates you and wants nothing to do with you and that she only ever loved Vinestripes. I know a lot of things that a seven moon old cat shouldn't ever have to bear the weight of knowing. I know about your secrets. I hate being a medicine cat apprentice and I hate Willowleaf. I hate the musty smell of the medicine den. I hate how I'm treated every day of my life: like I'm some kind of burr stuck in someone's pelt.
"I hate my life, and I hate this Clan. And you know what, I hate you. I hate you more than anything else because you are part of the reason I'm treated like a piece of dirt all the time. I hate how your decision made my life horrible. I hate how I'm shamed because of the decision you made. I'm done. I've had enough. I've had enough of being treated terribly, like I don't deserve to live here. You probably hate me because I'm the spawn of your former mate's brother. I hate you more than anything, Lightstar. I hate you!" He panted for breath. He didn't care that there were more stares than before now. More than half the Clan was outside the apprentice's den, listening to his rant. Sunpaw pushed his way through the entrance, ignoring Lightstar's shocked expression. The golden tom walked toward the thorn tunnel, not meeting any cat's eyes. He growled.
"What are you looking at?" He snarled. He narrowed his eyes and raced through the barrier. He ran. He ran until he had no idea where he was and there was no ThunderClan scent but his own. He looked around, wild-eyed. He slowed, realizing that he had run straight out of ThunderClan territory. He collapsed on the grass. He couldn't think of anything except of how much he resented Lightstar. His heart thumped against his chest, threatening to snap his rib cage. Sunpaw didn't care whether he lived or died.
I might as well die. He thought. No cat would care. He slumped against the ground and closed his eyes. Maybe I'll just die now. Maybe StarClan will spare me living the rest of my life. His heartbeat slowed as he attempted to calm himself. He struggled against his anger at his Clan and his desire to sleep. He curled into a ball. Sunpaw let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. Suddenly his surroundings flooded his senses.
He saw trees above him, outlined against the thin sliver of moonlight in the dark sky. He felt the cool grass against his hot pelt, and a gentle breeze. He tasted the bitterness of his screaming at Lightstar. He flailed around. Don't think of him. Think of your future. He could smell the sharp scent of a rowan. He heard a stream bubbling nearby. He fought the urge to throw himself in the water and hold his breath until he drifted into its depths. He crawled to edge of the stream, considering it. He looked down into the dark, swirling water.
Then, he did it.

He threw himself in.