Since i met him i’ve changed a lot. I am annoying. Every time i get rid of my emotions when i am with people. I fight because i am not brave enough to say it out loud. ” Can’t you understand that i fucking hate you?!” i threw magazine at my ex. It used to be okay. I think i loved him but not anymore. He’s not the one, he’s not right for me. He just sat on the bench and hid face in his hands. It didn’t touch me at all. I didn’t feel guilty. I gently moved my hair out of my face. I dragged a cigarette. I let out the smoke of my mouth. I calmed a little bit. ” I just do not want to be with you anymore. We won’t be back together.” i stared at him. He didn’t answer ” fucking hell Matt!” i threw my hands in the air. His silence annoyed me ” say something!”. I took another drag. ” What am I supposed to say Paulina?! What to the fuck you want to hear?” with every word he stepped closer to me. I didn’t move. When he was few inches from my face i blowed the smoke from my mouth. I could see his tense. ” Tell me that you’re fine ” i stared at him coldly. I didn’t want to show my emotions, my weakness. ” No i am not.” he said simply. Teary eyes, pale face. I just broke. It’s obvious that i felt something. It wasn’t love. Emotional attachment.. I hugged him and my tears watered his t-shirt. His hands stroked my hair. ” I am sorry” i whispered into his neck. ” Is it because of him?” he asked with hurt in his voice, i just gently nodded my head. ” Can i kiss you one last time?” he grabbed my face and stared straight into my eyes. With weakness in my voice i agreed. His lips gently touched my lips, he grabbed me around my weist and pulled me closer. It felt like our first kiss. After a while i pulled away from him. ” I gotta go” i put my hands into the pockets of my jacket and walked away. ” i need you right now” i messaged my best friend. She’s the only one person who know about everything, the only one who truly know about my feelings, problems and the most important she is the one who really know me. ” I am on my way” Natalia replied. She knew when i’d be. Always when one of us felt bad we met at this place.
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My phone wa buzzing through the whole conversation. “Answer it” Natalia rolled her eyes. I rejected the connection again. “Matt?” she asked. I just shook my head and put my phone back to the pocket. Again and again. I finally picked up. ” Paulina what the fuck?” it wasn’t the best idea. It wasn’t the best time to hear his voice. I felt shiver run down my spine. ” sorry, i just couldn’t talk.” i said like nothing really happened. Through the last year I was really good at acting, playing some role. ” Okay. Can you please come to my place in 15? I need a conversation” obviously. Every time he called me was when he needed someone to cheer him up. I should be okay with that because i am his friend but i am not really. I don’t like to talk about his problems with her. ” Okay. See you in a few” i hung up.
