Road to Nowhere

Road to Insanity

A scream. Lightning. A loud thunder.

I hit the breaks and in a matter of second the car completely stopped moving.

My heart is even racing faster and I felt dizzy, but I didn't care.

Only one thing is on my mind. That scream. Who was that, or better: what was that. I know one thing: that wasn't human.

I felt how my hands were shaking and sweat was rolling down my neck. I noticed I was pressing myself against the seat, like something was pushing me against it. I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw my eyes were wide open. It was even scary to look at, but I couldn't look away.

It was like... no, it can't be. I'm going insane. My hand slowly moved down, till I touched the window breaker. I grabbed it, even if all my muscles were resisting. I lifted it next to my head, while I looked myself dead in my own wide-open eyes.

I started hitting and I kept hitting. Harder and harder. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to see myself, even if it meant breaking things.

Every time the window breaker hit it; I thought about the things I liked. Like that one time I went to the beach, with my girlfriend. We broke up after not long after that. No, no. Only positive things.

I closed my eyes, but I kept hitting. Every hit were exactly 3 heartbeats. I smiled faintly. Funny that I counted them.

What about that one time during Thanksgiving. We were all happy eating together. I saw my mom smiling. She never smiles that much. Right now, she's in the hospital. I was gonna visit her tomorrow. I'm glad she was doing better.

Or that one time when I was little and my dad took my with him when he went to his work. I helped him organize his papers. I was so happy I could help him.

I kept hitting and hitting, like there was no end. I know I need to stop, but my body doesn't want me too. When I look in that mirror, I think I'm insane, but my body doesn't stop. Heck, I'm even smiling.

Suddenly I stop and I throw the window breaker in the seat next to me. I look at myself in the mirror. Blood is running down my neck. The blood brings a little colour to my white shirt.

A loud bang. Glass everywhere.

Without me knowing I broke the mirror with the window breaker. Everything started to come back now. I started shaking again, my hands started sweating again, I felt how my body heat returns. And than the worst: I felt pain again. I grabbed the side of my head. There was a cut that started up my forehead and ended on my jaw.

I looked at my hands and realised what I had done. And I knew one thing for sure: I didn't do this. This was someone else.

I looked at my phone. It died. I was lost now. Somewhere in a forest. An abandoned forest.

I asked myself what I should do now. Turn around and go back? Or just follow the road? Both of them were bad choices. I had the feeling I was never getting out of here again.

I stepped on the gas and continued to find the way home on the strange road. I drove up a hill. It was hard to keep my attention on the road since the blood loss made me feel dizzy. A strong headache overwhelmed me and I realised that if I did nothing to the wound I would die. I needed to find help and I prayed to whatever god there may be to help me.

The longer I was driving this road, the more I was sure about the fact I was going insane. Every mile was becoming longer and longer. Every time I turned my face to the left, I saw tall black creatures with cold, yellow eyes staring me and following me. I knew I wasn't alone. It was like a feeling I had before. I started feeling like that since I first harmed myself. I can still remember how I raised the knife, just to tear my own flesh apart. I woke up in a hospital, alone, in a white room with a rainbow painting on the wall. Even if I was alone I had the idea someone was watching me; I had the feeling I wasn't alone.

The second time I ended up in hospital because I shot myself. After that I had memory loss. I can't remember the things that had happened before and after the second suicide attempt.

I smiled and realised how fucked up I am. I'm just fucking insane. I smiled as the blood was still flowing down my upper body.

'What the fuck is wrong with me?' I whispered.

I remembered the times I tore my flesh apart. I looked at the scars on my arms and legs. Big scars covered almost my whole body. Why am I even scared I'm gonna die? This was all I wanted, right? All those therapies were for nothing, it was just all a waist of money. Who cared about that money? I just made those bastards happy with my depression. It's their job.

For a moment I fell into a deep darkness. I saw myself in my room, skinning myself. Blood was everywhere; on my hands, the floor, the wall, my clothes and on the mirror. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I froze. There was only one question: who was this?

This wasn't me.

Even if I was fucking insane, I was scared. I looked at my malformed head and body. How it was smiling at me with a broken smile, how it was happy to see what I was doing to myself, like it wanted me to let this happen to myself.

Slowly I came back to the road. I was still driving uphill. I asked myself how I didn't crash, while my mind wasn't in this world for a moment. I also came back to the sane me. The thoughts of self harm suddenly disappeared. I needed to get out of here and quickly.

I realised that I came back to the sane me. I noticed the possessive thought had left my head, like a part of my soul disappeared. I looked into the forest and the yellow eyes also disappeared. Was this all a dream?

A sigh of relief left my body. I didn't end up in a horror story, it was probably just the sleep that was making me hallucinate. I touched the side of my head and looked at my hand. There was still blood flowing, but I didn't make a problem out of it. I looked at the rear-view mirror: it was still broken. Maybe not all of this was a dream.

I finally reached the top of the hill and now I was driving downhills. Wait, am I hallucinating again? I close my eyes and open them again, but it didn't disappear: there was a small town in the valley. I smiled and started cheering, I was saved. I'm safe now!

At the exact moment I was thinking that a hand grabbed my right arm and pulled it hard. I lost control of the steering wheel and before I realised what was happening I already fell into a deep darkness again...