depressed tom kaulitz x reader

part 1:

pov: tom
the show has just ended it and was absolutely a mess. i messed up twice and i'm sure someone noticed. i just feel like everyone is expecting so much of me and i don't know how to handle it. i was trying so hard not to have a panic attack on stage. after the show ended i ran out of the building and now i'm sitting in an alley way behind it. luckily i have a few coping skills to help when i get like this. they're not healthy but i can't stop. i think about the fact i haven't eaten in days and about how dizzy i am and i instantly start to feel a little better. i open my bag and there in the small pocket is my favorite thing in the whole world. a new fresh razor blade i haven't even used yet. i pick it up and immediately start to drag it across my skin and watch as it turns white and then blood pours out. i immediately start to breath a little easier but still feel like i'm not. suddenly i hear shuffling. and then a girl pops up into the alley way. she's stunning i'll tell you that. i can't really move. i don't know what to do but she's coming closer. "tom kaulitz?" she says, "are you okay?" she asks as she comes closer. i can't speak. can't tell her not to come closer. i see she's wearing a tokio hotel shirt. she must have come from the concert. she sits down next to me looking a little shocked. i like how she's not too close. she's giving me just enough space but still giving me company.  i try to ignore her, keep cutting. but she says something that makes me stop. "tom i know you're struggling. i've been able to tell. you're always wearing those wrist bands of yours or long sleeves. but i can be here, if you want it. i know you need someone and it's not always easy to tell the people you love. i used to struggle this way too. but i realized that it wasn't worth mutilating myself over." i look over and i see her arms, covered in scars. she's okay just wearing them out. i could never. im too ashamed. then i look at her face. she really is beautiful. i still can't say anything or breathe properly but it's getting a little easier. i can still feel my heart beating outside my chest. she takes the blade out of my hand and puts it in her pocket. i wonder if she's going to use it later. that concerns me for some reason. i don't even know her. we sit there for a second, in silence. until i can breathe enough to speak. "you're not going to do anything with that are you?" i ask "no" she says lightly. she gets up and for a second i think she's leaving but she puts it in a nearby dumpster and sits back down in the same spot. same perfect spot. she reaches in her back and pulls out a first aid kit. "i never took this out of my bag" she says. "can i touch your arm?" "uh y-yeah." i stumble over my words still recuperating. she grabs it gently and takes out a gauze and pats the blood until it's gone. a few continue to bleed and she applies pressure until they stop. then she gets out another gauze and medical tape and puts the gauze on my cuts and tapes it on my skin that's unharmed. "th-thank you." i stutter. "of course. i understand." i grab my wrist band and put it back on. "do you want to talk about it?" she asks. "it's r-really embarrassing." i say. "to you maybe. but i'd much rather hear it than see something happen to you." "okay." i pause for a second trying to gather my thoughts. i've never told anyone before. "i just feel like everyone is looking up to me expecting so much. and i feel like a nobody putting on a show all the time. i messed up twice during the performance. i literally can't do anything right. and my dads disappointed. my moms dead. i don't know things are just fucked up at home and bill handles it fine. he's all strong. and i can't even take care of myself. i came up with the song 'don't jump' as a call for help but in the end bill didn't get it or anyone else and bill told the public he wrote it because he didn't want me to be embarrassed and everyone already sees him as 'emo' and 'depressed' i just need someone in my life who understands. i need someone like you." i say embarrassed it's even coming out of my mouth. "well, if you want maybe we could start hanging out. i can be there when you need it, and even when you don't, i can still be around, hang out with you, whatever." she says which honestly makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world. i feel safe around her, secure. i just met her yet it's like my whole world has shifted. still pissed she took my brand new blade tho. "my name is y/n by the way." "tom, as you know." i say looking at her shirt. "yes, i do." she pulls out her bag and starts shuffling through it. she pulls out a vape and a cart and i think i've met the woman of my dreams. "sorry highs wearing off and i need a nic break." "fine by me as long as you share." i reply laughing. she laughs too. it's genuinely the most beautiful laugh i've ever heard. she then continues to amaze me by taking a ten second blinker without even coughing and then handing it over to me. i literally take a two second hit and start coughing my ass off. she just giggles and pats my back. which then makes me laugh which makes me cough more. she then pulls out her phone and hands it to me to give her my number. i put my name as "tom💅" and enter my number and then hand it back to her. she smiles at me and immediately all my troubles temporarily disappear.