THE UNEXPECTED

Epilogue

"I need to do this." Ellie confirms, her tone is pleading but ultimately I know that she's going with or without my blessing. I'm so incredibly torn, and I know that Ellie is riddled with guilt no matter how much I tell her that it isn't her fault. That poor girl just won't listen.

Joel's death hit us both hard, and I still don't think I'm over it despite the time that has passed. The wound is still cutting deep within my heart and the spaces between us are just getting further apart, memories aren't as clear and his voice isn't as loud. Who's going to be first to say goodbye? I often find myself asking since neither one of us can seem to let go. I see Joel in our daughter everyday and it's a constant reminder of what I've lost, but despite this, I love her with everything in me. Our daughter is what keeps me going.

"I know." I say solemnly, placing a hand on her shoulder lovingly despite the deep frown etched into my eyebrows. I support Ellie all the way and I just pray that she doesn't let herself go, riddled with rage and anger. I hope she comes back in one piece, not just for herself or me but for Dina and JJ.

I glance back at them, watching as Dina coos JJ and my daughter and it brings a small smile to my lips.

Ellie then audibly sighs and wraps her arms around my torso, it brings a warmth to my chest and although we were never as close as were all those years ago it's so nice that I have her back and that we aren't strangers anymore.

"I want you to know that I forgive you, I forgave you a long time but Joel's death messed me up. I'm sorry I haven't been around, I'm so fucking sorry." The auburn haired girl chokes back a sob as she rests her head into my chest lovingly, I press a kiss into the crown of her head and hold back tears of my own, "I'm so sorry." She repeats and I'm not even sure that she's telling me anymore, part of me thinks that she's wishing she could tell Joel. I know the feeling.

I shush her, telling her that it's okay as I cradle her into me, "you give them hell, sweetheart, but you also come back. Promise me you'll come back." She nods against me and I sigh, finally letting her go.

Ellie goes to leave, but I stop her, "hey, you're forgetting something." The younger girl furrows her eyebrows and watched me disappear into the other room. I retrieve something so dear to me but I think it's time to let go, I need to love him goodbye.

Clutching Joel's coat to my chest, Ellie's eyes widen and she shakes her head, "I can't take this." She says.

Nodding, I thrust his brown leather coat into her arms, "it's yours." I say with a watery smile.

"I love you, mom." Ellie looks so sincere as a lone tear escapes her eye, and I can't help but cry too. We've got so much history between us and I've just got her back but I know she has to do this, Ellie needs to grieve in her own way and I need to be there for our daughter and gain some sort of closure.

"I love you too, El."

And I love you, Joel, but it's time to say goodbye.