I stayed the night in the hospital. Since I couldn't take my regular medicine, they had given me a morphine shot. (It took me almost a year to remember the name of the shot they gave me my Mother forgot!) Which is rarely what they give for something like that. They said, "Right after I give you this shot, you won't be up much longer, it'll get rid of the pain too. So if they're leaving, I'd say your "I love yous'" and "Good nights" now. This will put you out, and we will be in here around three in the morning." I said my "Good Nights" and my "I Love Yous!" They really were exactly in the room at 3:00 a.m.
The next day...they asked me why I took the pills. I didn't have a clue or remember why, and I still don't know. I think it was a mixture of wanting to die and get high. I wanted to show all the people bullying me at the time when I was fully lesbian, not bisexual, revenge and what happens to people when you bully others, then again I just liked the feeling of being high, I still can't think of why I did it. That was not a feeling of being high. There were a ton of people bullying me, those guys I listed were majors.
My Mom left me in the room alone and had gotten me something while I was distracted. She had bought me a build-a-bear. It was black, had the army uniform, dog tag, hat, and boots. I loved it. My Mom put him to my ear. His heart beat. You could hear it beating, she told me "I don't ever want to see you do that stupid shit again, you are my only daughter, and no matter what you think, I will always love you." I hugged my Mom for a long minute and I started to cry. My Mom already was. I heard a loud, unexpected knock.
I looked and it was Officer Wedel, and my substitute teacher whose Officer Wedels' daughter, and Officer Wedels' little one she just knew my name and face. Officer Wedel, not in Uniform, weird! I was surprised. I had a long chat with them about suicide and popping pills. I told her I honestly couldn't remember why I did it. I still to this day do not know. Either way I could've gotten a ticket.
A psychiatrist came in to talk to me. I didn't know why I did it. I said screw it. If i go home, I go back to school, more bullying, makes no difference, going home, I am grounded! So I said suicide attempt with drug use mixture.
Well later that night I was going to another mental hospital. My 5th one. It was in the ghetto too. Oh great I thought to myself. My Aunt Lala and Uncle Clint came and visited me later that night, before they sent me to Desoto, Hickory Trails Mental Institution.
The trip to Desoto was in an ambulance was long and unexpected. I was bored out of my mind.
