Hear me

2018 - Just the beginning.

* for identity purposes names will be changed *   
(This story will have mentions of mental & verbal abuse along with mentions of SA., self harm and suicide attempts.)

  I couldn't tell you what month is was, June or July sometime is all I can remember. I had been working at my first real restaurant job for an entire year at this point, I loved my work family but for a 17 year old girl, nothing was enough. I had decided to get a second job because one of my really close friends had been begging me to come work with her for awhile. My new schedule consisted of me working seven days a week unless I requested off. I would work Monday through Thursday at my fast food job while Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at my normal restaurant job. It was hectic, working that and making time for a social life? I was doing it, barley, but I was. All at the same time trying to maintain relationships and finally having some freedom. Now, with that being said, I wasn't by any means "kept" from doing things. There were just a lot of double standards for my brother and I. I was a female, so I had less freedom to go and do the things I wished to do rather than he did. That isn't the point of this story though.

     While working my second job I had ran into one of my bosses. (We will call him Cody) We hit it off, even though I was advised against it by many. I was 17, he was 21 or 23, somewhere in there. My memory of small details like that is foggy. Definitely was not appropriate but I was 3 or 4 months away from being 18 so what did it matter? We had a good run. To start off with that is...
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One night the night that sparked the beginning of showing his true colors, I remember quite vividly. I had finally convinced my mom to let me stay with one of my friends for a night, (I say convinced because she was older and had her own place.) It would be me, and a few other people and hopefully the guy I was seeing to stay the night. We all worked together so everyone knew each other. I was excited and happy, which soon came to an end.
I was waiting for him to get off of work, he was closing that night, when I got a message saying he went home early due to being sick and wouldn't make it. My heart sank, but I had a feeling something just wasn't right. In the back of my head I knew there was something going on that I wasn't being told about. I was worried and he refused to let me check on him even though I was just down the road. A quick 2 minute drive.
I had finally asked one of my friends that was staying over with all of us if she would take me to check on him because he had stopped answering me. When we got there, there was a car I didn't recognize. I thought "maybe it's the neighbors car. They do share a drive way". So we texted the neighbor, who was also a friend and coworker, just to find out that the car did not belong to them or anyone over there. So I contemplated get out of the vehicle, my anxiety was high, my heart was racing and I was scared. I had finally gotten to a point where I was happy and I was terrified of losing that. (I had no idea what I was going to get myself into. I should have just left things that night.)

I finally worked up the courage to get out of the car and go up to the door. It was locked... I found that very odd. So I knocked, he came to the door with a rude attitude and demanded I left. I had a house key, he had given me one. So what did I do? I marched to the car and grabbed my keys and went inside. That made him absolutely livid, at this point I didn't care. He had a girl there. I was hurt, which was completely valid. Come to find out it was not just any girl. It was his ex of 5 years. Of course it was, right? Just my luck. After a brief argument I went back to my friends car and explained what had happened. A few minutes later he walked out and asked us to leave so his ex that was there could leave. We in fact did not leave, we just moved to a different spot. There were a few texts back and forth that I don't fully remember the details of but it consisted of him wanting me to leave. His ex had left in a hurry, looking extremely upset.

Eventually I got out of the car, along with my friend and her boyfriend and we all made our way inside. Once we got inside I found he had locked himself in his bedroom. I fought tooth and nail to get him to let me in. He was on the other side threatening to unalive himself, which to a 17 year old girl I did not want that on my hands. I was freaking out, we all were. Finally he let me in and I was able to talk him down. My friends ended up leaving after an hour or two of trying to help but it was so late they needed to go and I had assured them everything was fine and would be okay. It was an extremely long night, and it was the start of a long few years after that.