Freen&Becky (I need you more than I want to) S2

My demons

BECKY'S POV

I took a taxi and went to a bar to clear my head I was crying as I imagine everything that could have happened between them that day.

I could only imagine how my Freeny was pleasing someone else. kissing and caressing Kao's skin softly, making love to her.

She was making Kao moan with pleasure while I was crying

I didn't know what to do. I've also done some messed up shit in the past but I've never share the love I have for Freeny with anyone else.

It hurts, It hurts really bad but I know that I have to forgive, I have to let go because it is only when i forgive that i can completely heal.

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I went back home after drinking myself to a pop. When I got back, Freeny wanted to talk to me but I just went inside the room and slept off almost immediately.

The next morning, Freeny tried explaining everything to me.

It didn't mean anything, she said

I don't have feelings for her. I was just... I... I don't even know what to say. I didn't know what I was thinking.

Please Becky! let's not ruin this good thing that's going on between us because of one silly mistake I made." She pleaded.

I tried not to make it a big deal. She chose me over Kao and that's what matters.

"It's fine Freeny. In your defence, we were actually not together when you did it with Kao.

So... it wasn't really cheating. I tried to be matured about everything.

But are you sure there's nothing going on between the both of you now?" I asked her just to be sure that it was over.

"Of course!! Yes of course. Kao is just a friend. There's nothing more than that between Kao And I.

Also, she understands how I feel about you and she respects that. So there is nothing, absolutely nothing between Kao and I" she said placing one hand on her chest to prove sincerity

"okay then let's put it behind us. It's in the past just like every other silly mistake I also made. But please Freeny don't keep secrets from me again.

I don't want to find out things this way." I said

"I promise Becky, I don't have any other secrets. I am as transparent as clean water." She said with all honesty.

"Okay then let's do this without any secrets. I concluded

"Thank you" that's what Freeny said as she hugged me. She kissed me playfully and then went deeper.

She kissed me passionately rubbing her palm gently all over my body as she moved me closer to the bed to lay me down.

I was instantly turned on by her touch. it's been long that she touched me but when she tried taking off my clothes, I told her to stop.

"I'm not ready for that yet. I just found out about you and Kao and so let's not rush into things. Let's take it slow"

I used "the kao situation" as an excuse to avoid having sex with Freen.

Whenever freeny brought up sex, I always look for one excuse or the other to avoid it.

We have actually never had sex since we got back together not while in South Korea and not since we returned to Thailand.

It's been two months now and whenever she brought sex up, I'd always turn her down.

I didn't even want to get naked in front of her. If I'm in the bathroom and she really wants to use it, I'll persuade her to use the visitors bathroom.

Or any other bathroom because I didn't want her to see me naked for reasons best known to me.

I know that she was getting suspicious but I couldn't bring myself to tell her what was going on with me.

I felt ashamed and I was embarrassed. She would see me as a disappointment and my imperfections would just increase.

The demons I thought I had Conquered, were actually still within me.

They were subdued when Freeny became my girlfriend. I was the happiest person on earth because I got the most beautiful girl in the world.

But when she left, my low self-esteem came back and it brought back those demons buried deep inside of me back to the surface.

And they dealt with me as they pleased. I was ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to defeat them and I was too embarrassed to tell Freeny about the things my demons made me do.

To be continued.....

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