It's a Moonbin Story. I just wish it wasn't real🥺 I wanted to write a story of him. But nothing came to my mind except writing him a letter. It's painful, I hope no one has to go through all that... It's not perfect, but is is something I would write to the one I lost, to the one I love.
. . .
Y/N and Moonbin had been together for 6 years. Y/N is an idol under Hybe. Their relationship was private, but at his funeral, someone leaked some pics of Y/N and people found out. Everyone showered their love and support on Y/N. She wrote him a letter at his memorial. You don't know why he took such an extreme step, none of you knew. But him not being around is killing you. You decided to drop by and put the letter at Skypark. [Baba- a term of endearment] . . .
Hey Moon It's me... How are you there? It's been two weeks. Don't worry about unnie,eomma, and appa. I'm trying my best to be there for them. Kwannie, Eunbi unnie, and yewon unnie and chanwoo oppa are all there for them and each other. Kwannie is down but I'm glad that his schedules are tightly packed so he can get his mind off. Unnie is sad, and I don't know how to console her. She is strong Puff. She is being strong for appa and eomma. Oppas miss you, but they are trying their best to be professional. Everyone's trying and everyone misses you. So that's everyone. And Aroha and Army found out about us. I know you wanted to tell them personally, but they did. They are sending their strength and prayers to me as well. They were happy that you were not alone all along. So why am I here? I'm on my way to Hybe. And as usual, I wanted to let you know first. I've decided to take a break. I know we planned that we both will take time off in June and enjoy ourselves. We even planned to go to Aruba. Do you remember you said you would shout "Aruba Aroha Saranghae" and wanted me to take a video and post it on insta? And about me... I've been the worst. Like literally in my bad shape. Wanted to act normal and every time I tried I failed miserably. I pretended like everything is fine when I know nothing is. I cry every night and lie sleepless staring at the ceiling. I'm at a point where no tears are coming out. I wanna yell, shout and cry out loud but nothing comes out. Not even words. I've been hiding my emotions all these years and now when I want to let it out I just can't... I'm not making you sad, right? I just wanted you to know. Seungcheol and Minho are trying their best to cheer me up, but nothing works. I just wanna feel nothing. I want to run away baba. It's like a part of me died with you. I don't feel like doing anything. I wanna run away and hide from everyone, everything. I'm tired of pretending to be ok. I don't feel like meeting anyone, talking to people, no, nothing. I feel like giving up, but I can't and I won't. Can't because I have duties to keep and you've left me with responsibilities to fulfill. Won't because I don't wanna put anyone through the pain again. I'm not mad at you nor I'm angry. I know you, I understand you... You know it's hard to come back home knowing you won't be hiding behind the couch and yell surprise at me, or shout from the kitchen "I'm in here" or walk past me like I don't exist. Coming home to an empty bed, an empty home. There's nothing but emptiness. I don't feel anything. There's this hole that keeps on growing... And I've been prescribed therapy. Cause this depression and anxiety aren't helping with everything. So doctors told me what I need is a break to pull myself together, don't know for how long.
I miss you. What more could I say? I miss you so fucking damn much that I don't know what to do. Some nights I feel that someone is lying down next to me. Is it you? Or am I going crazy? If my being crazy makes me see you, I'm willing to crazy moon bin-ah. You know I'm so mad at you sometimes. Sometimes I'm angry at you. But like always I can't stay mad at you for more than 5 minutes. What spell did you put me under, huh? I'm mad at you and and I wanna hate you to the guts, everynight I start yelling and cursing at you but ends up confessing how much I love you and wish you were here. Writing to you reminds me of our old days. When you used to write love letters every day and snuck them in my bag and how you would sulk if I don't find them. I remember what all I had to do to make me forgive you. Can we go back to that? Can we go back to how we were? Can we start over? Can we go back to just the two of us? I may sound selfish but can you come back, please? Sorry I'm being emotional again... I guess now it's my turn to write to you. Consider this my first one. And the other letters won't be delivered to you like today. If you wanna read them come back home. I'll be waiting for you. I'm not ready to let you go, not yet... I love you and I know you loved me. I love you and will always love you. I don't think anybody can ever love me as you did. You made me who I'm. And I'm happy that you took a part of me with you and left a part of you with me. I'll always love and cherish us as I've always done. Don't worry and take care of yourself wherever you are. You know you can always come back home. I may get selfish sometimes but I want you to know that I'll be always waiting for you... I'm holding on to you as I've always done. I don't wanna let you go with a heavy heart. So I'm holding on to you today with the hope that I can let you go one day. Love Yours♥️
The End
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I'm dedicating this to all Arohas. Even after over a month without him,whenever I think of him, every time, my chest tightens and an unexplainable pain follows. I just hope that he is happy wherever he is. He must've been through a lot which made him do something awful.And I love him like always... Moonbin-ah Saranghae♥️
