A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

PROLOGUE

I like the dark.

It helps keep me keep calm, as if it were some malicious relaxant soothing my nerves.

I like to think about what could come out of it, give my imagination some freedom; some space to roam.

Sometimes I think of monsters, some horrendous and foul, others magical-mystical even, creatures, beautiful in the gloominess, leading me deeper into the darkness.

I sometimes feel like I connect with the darkness as if it where my own, my right, my responsibility.
Nonsense

The dark is controlled by noone.
You must let it guide you, take you through its mist stricken forests and lividness.

Let it help you

Let it take you

Let it consume you, manifest itself within the confines of your conscience.

These are my thoughts as the belt slaps against my back, tearing flesh,
letting blood drip down onto the musky, carpeted floor.
It snaps back again, the buckle clacking  against the belt holes.
Slap
Snap
Slap
Snap

The pain is unnoticeable, the numbing feeling now seeping through me, as the blood slowly seeps through a rough linen carpet.
I feel fuzzy.
I am fuzzy
The belt whips across my back one last time before the voice tells me to get up.

"G..get up... boy...now!" The slurred words rumble in the house, shaking the walls.

A picture frame falls from the mantle piece behind us, almost in slow motion, until it crashes viciously against the floor. The splintered fragments of the picture are reminiscent of what happened, and the small picture of a once happy family can be seen, torn by shards of glass like shrapnel to a long dead corpse.

A once happy family

The father
The mother
The son

Time seems to pass too quickly, and my wavering corpse of a body is drifting the the empty space of nothingness.

No feeling, just an endless motion of stillness.

I can feel my world spinning, as if the spherical globe of self loathe I bathe in is placed upon a metaphorical swivel chair, sent barreling in circles of distorted colours and figures.
The trip only gets worse, unbeknownst to me.
I feel like I'm floating. Drifting in a river, a dark river, void of colour.
Cold, wet
Dark
Darkness
Memories of past experiences I wish to forget
Anger
Darkness
Am I alone in this?
Will I be here forever?
If he dies, I am free.
Kill him
A voice echoes out, freakishly quiet,
Kill
Kill him,
Free yourself
No...
The retaliation must've worked.
The voice is gone now.
Is it
Probably
What if I do kill him though, I would be free.
But what about school.
What about prison
Could I live with what I've done
No
I couldn't.
But I could.
The voice is back, almost materialising Infront of me.
I can see it,
See him, both of them through the darkness
Darkness
I don't want to think of them.
I don't like it.
Maybe if I think hard enough they will go away.
Yea that'll work. I take a deep breath in and try think of something else. Flowers, butterflies, anything to make them go away.
Go away
Whatever I thought of though, it worked. I can't hear them or see them now. All I can hear is the steady flow of the water as I continue down the river, turning and spinning in its depths. The rotten stench of death plagues the air, filling my nostrils with vile scents, burning them.
But this is just a dream
Well it certainly feels real. It's as if I can feel the coldness if the murky river water in which I dwell in, the small waves splashing my face.
I see something up ahead,
A figure. It's hair swaying gently in the wind. Who ever it is seems to be floating above the river rapids, but I never seem to get any closer.
I call out.
No answer.

"Hello"

Nothing.
They just seem to fade more, growing.more ghost like as time goes on.

Who is this?

I feel like I am getting closer, nearer to my goal. But they never get closer.
I call out one last time, in hopes for a reply.
Nothing.

The sounds of the water splashing is becoming nothing but a background noise.
I feel like I'm going slower, my speed coming to a crawl. The pace isn't nauseating now.

The figure is still there, now glowing ominously, like a light at the end of a tunnel.
But it fades, the light dimming. It feels like the water is slowing.
The noise dies down, the figure disappearing entirely.
I am now just in a void of nothingness . Silence

Where there is only darkness, there cannot be light