Who Do You Remember?

Chapter 11: The Gima Family

The question hung heavy in the air. What happened to you? With it came all the implied questions. Why are you so cruel to everyone you meet? What scary thought made you ghost me? Why did you pretend that you'd forgotten me? Why did you leave me?

Of course, evasion was Keiji's natural inclination. "Come on. You got what you wanted. We're close again. To be frank, I'm closer to you than I've ever been to anyone. Do we have to dig up the past like this?" His words were quiet; he'd taken to scratching at the floor.

"Yes." It was instant, and clear, and unwavering.

"Why?"

"Because we're stuck in it. If we dig it up, maybe we can finally start climbing out. Right now, I'm still stuck in third grade with Miss Inoue. And you're still... somewhere scary I don't know about. That's obvious, considering the trivia show incident... After I changed schools, I called your house so many times, and you never picked up. I literally forced myself back into your life even though I knew that nothing would be the same again. I just— you saved me, Keiji. You were so cool, and brave, and competent. You were everything I wasn't. You were everything I wanted to be. But then I finally see you again, and everyone's calling you 'that cocky bastard,' and you're shouting at me in the library to stay away so that you wouldn't ruin my happiness. What happened?!"

Keiji couldn't make himself look at Haruto. He traced shapes on the ground. "It's... complicated. And the worst part is, it all sounds so stupid now. Everything I did and said to push people away, it doesn't even seem worth it anymore. No excuse I could give you would be worth a damn."

"Do it anyway!" For the first time since Keiji had entered the room, Haruto shouted.

"...I really like your parents. They're successful, but they're also really kind."

"Stop trying to dodge the question."

"I'm not. I just... need to find a way to explain." He took to fiddling with his hands, amusedly realizing that, for once, he was the fidgety one. "Back when we knew each other the first time, there was this girl I liked. I don't even remember her name now... shit, that's embarrassing. Point is, though, just like I apparently inspired you, you inspired me. If you could tell your parents about something awful and heart wrenching that you were experiencing, I could tell my parents about a stupid little crush. It... didn't go great. I think I already knew how they were gonna feel about it."

"What did they do? Did they hurt you?"

"Huh? Um, no, not like you're probably assuming. They're not like that woman. It basically chalks up to 'don't let yourself get distracted from your studies. You could be doing so much better with your time.' And something clicked in my head that day."

"What was it?"

"You already know that I want to break a world record. It's been my dream since forever. But even beyond that, I want to do something completely world-changing. If I make history, then I can't ever be forgotten or replaced. I'll actually be special." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I wanted to be great. And that day, I made a decision: if I wanted to be great, I had to give up on being good. Because the good people, the ones who put everyone else's well being above their own... they sacrifice their time and resources and mental energy, and they rarely ever have enough left to change the world. I decided to hoard all of that for myself. If I made everyone around me hate me, I could dedicate my life to becoming the best."

He finally made himself look at this person whose trust he'd betrayed. Haruto's eyebrows were pinched in with concern. The words kept flowing. "And soon, that sort of became the expectation— people knew I was a jackass. So, like I do with everything else in my life, I swore to be number one at that. I would be the greatest jackass anyone had ever seen. And as time passed, it became easier and easier to act like that. And harder and harder to be someone I could actually be proud of."