Why Fearless Isn't Fear-less

6

Flashback.

Leo,
You're in a coma. I know. I know that you might never wake up and probably won't ever read this note.
I need to tell you so many things, Leo. You're not gonna believe me because nobody ever believes me. Nobody asks how I am. Not anymore.
They're all focused on you. I am too, but...
I'm scared.
I'm scared I'm gonna lose you.
We argued all the time...it's so dumb now. Why were we so dumb?
Leo, why were we so dumb??
I wish you didn't say some things you did. I wish we understood each other. I wish I could say sorry to you...for a lot of stuff. For making you worry about us.
About me.
Just wake up, fearless. I need you.
- Raph

He stared at the letter before folding it, neatly- shocker- and putting it away in an old desk drawer. Never to be seen again. Never to be adressed. Never. Ever. Again.

Being vulnerable was childish, anyhow.

Flashback End.

It was a long, heated battle. Little downtime with a big payoff; stopping the invasion. Everyone saw it happen. The turtle blimp landed on a rooftop out of sight from the general populous and they met with the Mutanimals, celebrating a newfound victory. It was a bittersweet feeling for many; after so long of dealing with the Kraang, it was over.

Finally, a sense of relief washed over the team as they entered the Mutanimals' lair; an unused warehouse. It was a safe haven for the mutants Slash, Leatherhead, Rockwell, and Pigeon Pete. The four other turtles followed suit and finally, with a moment to spare, gaped at the sights. Mikey was blown away and followed his alligator friend around like a puppy, smiling ear to ear.

His elder brothers were just happy he was happy. After all, it'd been a rough couple months for everyone. The less to worry about, the better. Donnie followed Rockwell over to the makeshift communications and command setup; stacks of TVs and computers with a central keypad and other miscellaneous buttons and doily's to "play" with. The tech wizard was fascinated.

Raph followed after Slash, his last pet; the two had catching up to do and weren't gonna waste anymore time. Raph missed his Spike, but knew that turtle was no more. Slash was hardened from the fighting, from the streets, the people he met; he was independent. It was a fresh change from feeding him leaves, that's for sure. Leo reluctantly tailed after Pigeon Pete, who was squawking about a lot of things at the same time.

It was a fun couple hours. Despite being exhausted, everyone needed this. Desperately.

Once all was said and done, and pizza was eaten, the brothers went home with full bellies and the string desire to go to bed. Splinter and the humans were either already down there, or home with their own families. Donnie thought about them while they walked through the tunnels underground; April was probably ecstatic to see her dad again, and Casey was overjoyed his dad and sister. He'd feel the same way if he lost them.

The lair was just up ahead and Mikey was already complaining about his feet hurting from the short voyage. Nobody protested; they were also tired and their feet were also hurting. As soon as they walked in they ran to the couch and sat or lied down on it.

Splinter heard the commotion and peaked his head out of the dojo, happy to see his sons after hours of uncertainty. He walked over to them and got their attentions quickly. "My sons, I am proud of you all. The battle you have faced was great, and you all persevered even in the most dire circumstance. I am glad you are all safe."

Mikey got up from the couch, happy to hear such words, and embraced his father with happy open eyes. Splinter chuckled, rubbing the top of his youngest son's head gingerly. "It was crazy, Sensei! We were on the blimp and then went into Dimension X; I got all smart again too— savage Mikey! That's the name I came up with. Anyways..." the young terrapin rambled on despite interrupting himself with numerous yawns.

Leo had flopped face first into the cushions, hugging one of the throw pillows close to his person. He looked up from his weird perch and felt a sort of...gross feeling in his stomach. Somewhere between anxiety and anger. Or both. That was a viable option. He willed himself to get up and ushered himself out of the room before he said anything he might regret. Which would be a lot of things.

Donnie and Raph looked at each other skeptically; they all knew he and Splinter had gotten into a fight just before the fight back from the Kraang. They didn't think Leo was still holding a grudge...or at least Donnie. He was used to letting things brush off from his father. His brothers words were harder to ward away, but that was another problem for another day. Raph got up and stretched, already worn out from simply standing on his feet. "I'm gonna get some sleep," he muttered to the small crowd before seeing himself out.

Splinter stopped his youngest son and watched his two oldest leave. He frowned; there was obvious tension between him and his family. It was awkward and truthfully, he didn't know how to fix it! Mikey rubbed one of his eyes and dismissed himself to bed as well. The guy was practically dragging his feet to his bedroom.

The rat master locked eyes with his second youngest son and sat down next to him. Donnie instinctively avoided eye contact; the whole reason his father and brother had a fight at all was because of him, right? There was no point in getting around that. He just sighed and awaited some sort of lecture. "Donatello...are you alright?"

"I'm tired, Sensei," the nerd muttered truthfully. "I finally managed to fix everything and we saved the world. I just-" Splinter waved his hand quickly, getting Donnie to stop talking. "I am proud of you. Are you proud of yourself?" It took him a minute to answer, or even think about it. "Not really."

His fathers silence was a cue to continue. "It all just felt like a chore...none of it feels right. I feel like I'm- well- stuck in some limbo and..." he shook his head. "Forget it, Sensei, I'm just saying words—"

"Do you feel unworthy of being proud?" The rat asked, trying to pry from his son. Donnie blinked, surprised by his father's interpretation. He almost felt like it fit. He didn't say anything and just met his eyes contact; some silent, feeble "yes".

"You are worthy of being proud of yourself, my son. The most worthy." Splinter assured in a gentle voice. "I guess, but- they-" Donnie trailed off, and both he and his father thought the same thing. Were they proud of him? Was that viable to even ask? The ninja master pondered his himself and decided to speak further, sure of his words. "Your brothers are surely proud. They may just be...struggling."

"You mean Leo," Donnie corrected. "Leo's struggling. Because I brought up—" Splinter interrupted him again, shaking his head. "No, you have no fault in what occurred. I mis...I did not speak correctly and I made Leonardo upset with me. It is only my burden to bear, not yours." Donnie felt his father try to hug him and he quickly pulled back, not in the mood for any physical touch. "...I know. I feel bad."

Splinter pulled back, nodding to signal he was listening openly. "I understand, Donatello. All I ask is that you let me deal with your brother." The green machine king hummed in agreement and got up, saying goodnight, and going to his room. His father sat still on the couch, his mind now troubled with what to do once again.