Honkai Star Rail Oneshots

Hook & Kazuha (platonic) - Sausage and a Sword

Requested by CeleryStickz1011

First time doing crack, especially with such an odd request (yes, I am looking at you, CeleryStickz1011)

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Hook's hands trembled as she stared at the sausage currently in her hands.

She carefully glanced around her surroundings, sighing in relief when there was no one in sight. Sniffing the sausage a bit, Hook was slowly succumbing to the strong urge to take a bite out of it.

Her head suddenly shot up when she heard footsteps against cobblestones. As much as he would try to hide it, the stones lining the pavement of the Underworld wouldn't be silenced. The soft breeze that brushed past Hook's face told her all she needed to know about her uninvited visitor.

Right on cue, she saw the figure approaching from a distance.

"There are leaves around - and I know just the tune to accompany them if you wish to hear it."

"You're not getting my sausage, creep!" Hook yelled, backing away from the figure. Although he had cornered her, she still glared at him.

"Hook." He called out softly. "I don't wish for conflict. Just give me the sausage, and I'll leave in peace."

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and clutching onto the sausage. "I need the sausage for... for me! It's a yummy sausage! Go away, Kazuha!"

"You still wish to resist?" Kazuha unsheathed his sword, Freedom Sworn, and drew it next to her neck. "I'm getting that sausage today, Hook. Tomodachi is getting hungry and he wants to eat that sausage."

"Why does it have to be this one?" She whined. "Pitch-dark Hook the Great commands you to take away your sword!"

He narrowed his eyes, refusing to move his blade. "I told you I wanted to avoid conflict, I need that sausage now!"

Even with his sword to her neck, she still refused to relent. Sighing, Kazuha removed the sword but didn't sheath it.

He widened her eyes when Hook's grip on the sausage seemed to falter for a moment. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she saw the full length of the sword in his hands.

With a cheeky grin, she looked up at him with a mischievous look. "Hey, Mister Kazuha~. You want this sausage, right?"

His eyes glimmered as soon as she raised the sausage above her head. He was about to take it from her hands before she swiped it away. He pouted for a moment before returning his gaze to her.

"That sword you have, it's pretty neat, ey? That handle... is it gold?"

Kazuha looked his sword up and down, his partner in combat, and realised just what she wanted.

"You want... my sword? In exchange for a sausage?"

"What, do you think it's not good enough?" Hook taunted him by dangling the sausages from her fingertips. "Hook doesn't negotiate often, y'know. I could just go and eat the sausage-"

"No!" Kazuha was quick to cut her off, making her smirk. He quickly regained his composure, eyeing her sceptically. 

Tomodachi is rampaging back in Inazuma... Kazuha quickly went over all of the cons and pros. He told me he really wanted to have that sausage, but is my Freedom Sworn really worth it?

"I'm getting bored." Hook yawned, positioning the sausage near her mouth. "I could've eaten this sausage hours ago."

With a large sigh, Kazuha loosened his grip on his sword. "Fine... take it. Take my sword, and I'll take the sausage."

She instantly beamed, quick to take the sword out of his hands. It felt odd, to not protest about it, but a deal was a deal.

"Now, to fulfil your end of the deal. The sausage." Kazuha reached out his hand, eager to end his mission and go home. Right when the sausage brushed across his fingertips, she held it back.

"About that..." Hook grinned, holding the Freedom Sworn just like she saw Seele hold her scythe. 

"Pitch-dark Hook the Great doesn't negotiate!"

She briskly swiped the blade and aimed for his neck. But the anemo user was faster, jumping out of range.

"I thought we could settle this peacefully, Hook!" He tried to gather anemo energy around his fist but failed. I'm in a different universe... does that mean Barbatos can't follow me?

"Try to get away, villain!" Instead of bringing down the sword upon his head, Hook decided to bash him with the sausage. The sheer power from jumping up and bashing him with a sausage crushed his skull and rendered him unconscious.

Blood flooded out of his nose as he fell backward, defeated.

Hook widened her eyes before grinning. "I-I actually did it!" She coughed. "I mean, of course, I did! I'm Pitch-dark Hook the Great!"

She giggled maniacally, swinging the sausage between her fingers. Hook stepped over his unconscious body without a second thought. "That's what happens to anyone who crosses me!"

After a job well done, Hook went home to eat her favorite drink in peace.

Strawberry iced tea topped with banana in the shape of a sausage.

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"Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either." - Trixie Koontz