Is Your Heart Bound To Me?

It is ok to smile.

I sat. The yellowy persistent glorified dirt trying to force its way into my shorts, underneath my long and newly painted fingernails. The wind off the lake was threatening goosebumps on my skin. I thought about time, and about the water. It was constantly in movement, never in the same spot. 

And yet it never really changed. The wind from it was still harsh, and the red mixed with its dirty blue was still etched into my brain. I played with a strand of my hair. It's natural wave strangling my fingers till they turned purple. She was all around. I could see her in the water, on the sand, and in the mirror. 

I sighed. I wouldn't bitch about it anymore. Not even to myself. Crying would ruin my makeup, and I couldn't have that, not even if I planned to redo it anyway later. A hand pulled me from my questioning.

Along with Tessa's annoying voice. "See, I told you she'd be here." I turned to face the two of them. "Why are you here?" Tessa and I made eye contact, a scowl proudly adorned on my face.

"Be nice Myst. We just wanted to check on you. It's not often you come here. You good Chica?" I nodded. "I just needed a breather, that's all. You know it's me and X's anniversary today. I don't wanna end up strangling him if he forgets like last year." Valeria nodded. "If he forgets again, I'll help you." 

A small laugh broke free from me for a moment. The inner torment I'd been developing at the beach was gone in a second. My big sister was just cool like that. Tessa rolled her eyes. "I call dibs." 

I stood up with a smile. "Like ‌hell you do." I put her in a headlock and though she fought, I'm sure she was aware she would never break free unless I voluntarily let her go. "Let's head back." So we all walked to our two separate cars, me dragging Tessa off the sand and onto the cement as she struggled. 

Whilst Valeria hummed and texted her boyfriend about their days. Tessa punched my arm irritably in response to the headlock and then rode with Valeria back home. I rolled down the window. It was a nice day. The grass was green, and the sky was blue. 

My car, which I'd named Bailey, was still in pristine condition and with a full tank. I even had saved enough money in the bank to get all the tattoos and maybe more that I wanted this summer before it was time to go off to college. It was ok to be happy. I sighed and parked. The familiar sound of the locking car door accompanied by the crunch of the ground, like bones under my Converse. 

It was really going to be a good day. It had to be. I stood by the mirror complacently, wondering if maybe this choking feeling would subside. Always I was right there beside her, still drowning, still kicking, as I held my own head under the water. Like I had a death wish, and maybe I did.

Who knew? I slipped on some nice undergarments before suiting up in a light blue dress. It was our favorite color. My natural tangled curls rested down my back reaching my waistline, I examined my own face. From the gloss on my lip to the tint on my cheek and the artistic wing of my eyeliner. 

If I wanted to I could have definitely been a makeup artist. But it was fine. I let a smirk showcase in my eyes through the mirror. "I'm so sexy and for what." I chuckled and finally made my way out of the door, back into Bailey, and to the home of my 2 years strong beloved. 

Xavier.