Is Your Heart Bound To Me?

three deep breaths.

He didn't greet me or text me or answer my calls. I was seriously considering putting Valeria on speed dial to see if she would hold up on her promise. But I had learned, from past experiences, that I shouldn't assume things before I had true evidence to back them up. So I put my spare key through his front door and made my way in. This sight was normal, he had a rather unspectacular house that was largely furnished by carpet and all colored beige. 

I took off my heels at the door. It was a habit I'd picked up from going to Evangeline's house when I was younger. It was one of the better habits I'd developed in life. I put down the gift I'd brought as well. Stopping at the entrance and wondering when he was gonna jump out and say surprise or if he even had thought about me at all today. 

I took three steadying breaths. It is going to be fine. I made my way to the right, turning into the hallway. The door to his room stood menacingly at the end of it. Maybe he was ill and sleeping. That would be perfectly fine. 

But unfortunately, his room wasn't soundproofed and anyone would know what was going on inside just from being around it for three or so seconds. My jaw clenched. I knew that once I opened this door and saw what I needed I would lose my shit. I sucked in a breath. "Happy two year's Xavier." 

He was literally fucking someone. In the bed where we had our first kiss in. He froze. "I hope you celebrate like you never have before." I smiled at him. 

I was seeing red. "Cuz this is the last time you are ever gonna see me." I searched around the room, ignoring his look of slight admiration and not-so-subtle ogling. Then his expression shifted into shock and terror. I felt like my heart was breaking. 

I'd done so much for him and yet all he could ever do was screw me over. Hurt me. Shatter me. I grabbed his favorite snow globe off of his desk. And then I threw it, right above their heads. 

The glass and liquid exploded above them, invoking screams from the girl below as she got up trying to leave. I let her. She likely had no clue. "Myst, let's talk this out ok?.. Put down the T.V..." He had stood up, walking toward me. 

I got onto my knees proudly. He was still completely naked. "I know X Jr. your daddy really fucked up. I so sorry." I bent that thing damn near in half and he fell to his knees in front of me. Had tears in his eyes even. 

"Mystery... please c'mon. Why are you doing this?" I didn't need to give him an explanation, he was dumb if he couldn't see. I pulled myself off my knees and pulled off my ring, our ring. It was the only thing he'd bought for me in the entire relationship. I threw it at him, it hit his eye as he was looking back up at me. 

I picked up more of his globes and threw them around him, he shook with pain from his irritated eye and his body jumped consistently every time I threw a globe. "Fuck you, happy anniversary." He was yelling and screaming and begging me to come back, but if I did listen to him I might have choked him. That was what Pops had told me exactly to not do. I had to keep myself under control. 

It was for the company. I didn't want to drag anyone down. What I needed was to take deep breaths. I didn't know where the road was taking me until I saw it again. The tumultuous water beyond the glorified dirt. 

It was windy at this beach, it always had been. I kicked off my shoes and ran into it. While the blue sky turned dark, and the grass now beyond me turned grey. I ran with all my force in my little blue dress, one I had gotten specifically for him, one I could see he had liked. As I ran I wondered what I'd seen in him, what ounce of pity I had was strong enough to make me want to help him. 

To make me want to want him. As I finally reached the water which was luckily warm enough to not send me into shock I wondered if I deserved it. I didn't. But the fact that I wasn't 100% sure anymore was highly unacceptable. I dunked my head beneath the water and then I lay in it, floating and staring at the sky. 

I was still pretty even with smudged makeup, but being cheated on made me wonder if I ever had been. "Hey, May. Do you think we might be ugly?" I could picture her floating beside me and bluntly saying no, just you. I wistfully sighed and thought about life. I thought about Ma and Pops and how neither of them really had time for me. 

Though one was by choice and another by duty. I thought about money and summers and siblings. I thought about how my dress had ridden up in the water and I hoped no one was on the beach. I thought about billboards and fast fashion and cheating boyfriends and heartbreak. Then I thought about an escape. 

"Hey May, do you remember that book we put together when we were little in our little home back then? I think I might still have it." I was beginning to sink. "Maybe I could go, like run away and do it all this summer. Tonight Pops is on a business trip. Ma is at a party, and Valeria and Tessa are going to that guy's concert. It'll be just you, me, and Bailey, what do you say?" I wasn't sure what she could be saying now but I was certain that it didn't matter. Our family had the money these days, so these dreams weren't so far-fetched. 

Plus I was good at budgeting, and I barely used any of my allowances. I just wanted to get a job and pay for my first tattoos with my own hard-earned money, as it should be. "I agree, let's start packing."