Catharsis ❀ Haechan

❀ 58

these arms of mine, they are yearning
yearning from wanting you
and if you would let them hold you
oh, how grateful i will be

❀

The loss of her grandmother still weighed heavily on Hwayoungs heart, but there was something else that added to her inner struggle. It was the sight of Minho, her best friend, who seemed to be coping remarkably well with the recent tragedy.

"So...the funerals in two weeks," he spoke. She just stayed silent, listening to his words. "Do you still want us to-"

She nodded.

"Ok then," he wrote something on his laptop whilst keeping up a normal expression.

Hwayoung noticed how effortlessly Minho managed to keep himself composed. He was a pillar of strength, seemingly untouched by the waves of grief that crashed upon her own soul.

She couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy, a knot of resentment forming deep within her.

In her mind, she compared their reactions.

While Hwayoung spent countless nights shedding tears and feeling the emptiness of her grandmother's absence, Minho appeared to accept the loss with a calm demeanor. He didn't show any signs of struggling or grappling with the pain. Instead, he immersed himself in activities, constantly keeping himself busy, as if avoiding confronting his own emotions.

The jealousy grew within Hwayoung, fueled by her longing for a sense of control over her emotions. She couldn't understand how Minho could move on so effortlessly while she felt trapped in the depths of her grief. The pain of her grandmother's loss seemed magnified by the stark contrast between their reactions.

However, beneath her jealousy, Hwayoung knew there was something more profound at play.

She had always been a deeply emotional person, while Minho was known for his stoicism. She wondered if perhaps Minho's seemingly smooth acceptance was a facade, a way to protect himself from the intensity of his own emotions.

Maybe he was simply hiding his true feelings, just as she had seen him do in the past.

"I wanted to ask about the guest list too," Minho cleared his throat, bringing the girl out of her trance. "It wasn't included in the page."
"Oh, right."

Hwayoung wrote on her notes app a list of people that were close to her grandma. She paused as she typed in her parents names though, finding her heart churn. She was conflicted by the conversation between her and Hyejin.

"Uhm- I'll airdrop it to you," she made him open up his phone as she sent it. Her heart was heavy and eyes so dull. It was really happening.

Minho observed Hwayoung's grieving process with a mixture of concern and envy. He admired her ability to embrace her emotions fully, even if they brought her pain. The way she allowed herself to mourn openly and organize every detail of her grandmother's funeral was a testament to her strength and love.

But it also stirred something inside him- a longing to understand why he couldn't do the same.

Minho found himself unable to confront the reality of his loss, clinging to distractions and busying himself with menial tasks. He felt guilty for not being able to face the pain head-on, resenting Hwayoung for seemingly surpassing him in emotional maturity.

Deep down, Minho knew he couldn't continue avoiding his grief forever. He had to find a way to accept his grandmother's passing and allow himself to mourn. The jealousy he felt towards Hwayoung was merely a reflection of his own struggle.