Parting Letters

Chapter 6 : Love Letters

I was sitting at the corner panel beside my window, waiting. Fluorescent moon rays peek through the glass illuminating the middle of my room. Phone screen display 12:47 am on screen. Thirteen minutes to become an hour after midnight still she hasn't texted me. She is angry at me, that's why. She is angry that I left abruptly, not having dinner with her or taking a proper leave. She has every right to be angry. No reason- I ditched her. Karma? Revenge? No. Never. Fearsome and weariness. Yes. Nostalgic pressure, rowdy atmosphere, watchful eyes, reminiscing and Helia.......It was all Helia over again....to invoke the same fearsome guilt. But none of this was Hanah's fault. She doesn't even know what I feel, how I feel nor what I think. She doesn't need to know. Not knowing shall loosen the ropes of a bounded raft.

I lean my head against the wall agonizing myself for being so murky.  Whatever happens stays with me. I shouldn't pass it through her. I lean my head against the wall in frustration desperately waiting for her call. Please call me Hanah......or at least leave a text. I might not be able to explain everything......but something which might ease our circumstances. Give me a chance to explain.....; I repeat all these pleads inside my head again and again. This is how it was back during that awful day. Straw before the final straw before plugs of our friendship were pulled indefinitely.

11 years ago........

April 3rd, 2010

Two years. It's been two years since that incident.     Afterward Hanah and I stopped talking ; she halted it. I tried to reach her through my tablet : she did not reply. She also stopped coming to the family or any program. When on special occasions she did, she saw me not accounting for my presence. Always rushed off to somewhere when I was approaching her or used to scream covering her ears chanting 'blah,blah,blah' when I tried to say something- running off afterward.

I had to talk to her. Regarding : our kiss, why is she avoiding me?Did she also feel good after the kiss and wanted to kiss again? Does she hate me? Why doesn't she talk to me? Is it because of Greta? I remember her wide eyes giving off immense fury when she saw both of us. That too if she really saw us as it was palely dark and we sprang apart.  We aren't friends anymore I guess but I didn't wanna lose her. Hanah means everything to me. I was resolved to get her to speak the next time I see her.

April 17th, 2010

Today was the wedding of one of our uncle's daughter. A moderately elegant wedding. Hanah was there, wearing a glittery orange frock ; her hair down. She looked pretty. I saw the bride remembering all the mischief we had done before at the weddings. Running around, taking plates of food knowing we wouldn't be able to finish it, dancing ridiculously to songs. I miss those shenanigans. I miss her. I turn at her all the same she pretends to ignore me. Out of the corner I see Nolan observing her as well. It's been a long time since we talked as well. Same day I lost both of my best friends harboring zero idea about my fault.

Carrying resolute determination I walk toward Hanah. She saw me coming and was about to run away until I caught her arm. She couldn't scream in front of a lot of people. Nevertheless, that didn't stop her from covering her ears from refraining from what I was about to say. Her brows were crunched together showing her distress. As soon as I let her go she walked hurriedly bumping into Greta.

Greta took one glance at me snapping towards Hanah angrily. For about half an hour I observed her lecturing her daughter haughtily. Tears began to flow from Hanah's eyes after Greta left. No further words needed. Everything was understood. Greta saw us kissing hence is mad at Hanah. A reason for which she dislikes me too. This explains everything. Without further ado I step away trying to crush my hopes of getting back with her.

At the end of the ceremony I watched Nolan approaching Hanah. What could he want? She is already in a bad state therefore the mere thought of him making things worse makes my blood boil. Astoundingly she had calmed down by that time. I couldn't hear what they were saying nor could I eavesdrop as I was prone to be noticeable. Things between them seemed fine? She was neutral and he was smiling slightly. Are they friends now? Or did they become friends whilst I wasn't in the picture? Presumption of this theory hurts me, making me look like an idiot. I am an idiot. Unable to witness the indicated 'new friendship' I left the party, losing my interest.