Worse for Love- Book #3 in the WF Series

Chapter 44: Fault

❀ Ivy's POV ❀

I can't breathe.

I can't fucking breathe. Make it stop!

I had to control myself the entire drive back, and the closer we got to the hotel, the closer I was to losing it. I'm glad Kai didn't pull over or anything because I think I would've walked back instead of letting him see me on the verge of a mental breakdown.

The second he swipes the room key, I rush in and make it my personal mission to get to the restroom because I can't hold back my tears any longer.

I should have known to go faster because Kai catches me by locking his arm around my waist the second he realizes where I'm going.

"You're not doing that." I may have had a mission to get to the restroom, but looking at him for the first time since we left the beach, he's had one too. He knew what I was going to do and he also knew that he would have to stop me before I made it somewhere where he wouldn't be able to see me.

"Kai-," my voice cracks pathetically.

I'm not even able to argue back with him right now.

He pulls me to his chest instantly. His hand goes on my head while his other one goes around my back.

The second he does that-the second I feel myself safe in his arms-the security that consumes me whenever he's around, the fucking waterworks go wild. I start sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt as my heart is racing more than it ever has.

"I'm so sorry, love. I should've asked someone else to take care of it. I shouldn't have done that with you in the car," he starts apologizing repeatedly, the guilt in his voice fucking killing me because none of this is his fault.

I get what he does for a job. I've always known. Did seeing it happen take me back? Yes, of course, it did, but he does it to make sure people are safe. He's putting himself at risk for everyone else and it's something I respect him for immensely.

That's not it though.

It's today.

I knew what it signified. I knew that I would be more emotional than normal and I still chose to go in a car and put myself in that vulnerable position. I didn't even step inside a vehicle for a whole year after what happened, and still, out of all days, I went today.

It's my fault. I was practically asking for the damn attention the second I agreed to the beach. I know I was. Was I?

My hands shake faster and my sobs are working harder to come out.

"It's not...it's not your fault." I shake my head against him.

Even though I can't fathom speaking whenever I'm in this state, I can't have him thinking he's to blame. I would feel awful because it's not his fault. He didn't know that was going to happen. I knew that getting into a car would definitely send me into a spiral at some point, and then on top of it, the car chase and the reckless driving from Johnathan didn't help. Neither did the little girl coming up to us with her dad.

That may have hurt the most.

It was his birthday.

It's my dad's birthday too.

We can never be like them. I don't even have the fucking option.

He stays quiet and does exactly what I need him to.

He lets me be dramatic and cry until I can breathe again.

~~~~

I don't know how we made it to the bed.