Like the Smell of the Rain

Kabanata 1

When was the last time I smelled Chrysanthemums?

It was my mother's funeral. I see grief in their eyes. Regrets and disappointments. Streams of tears escaped their grieving eyes. There were sobs inside the room.

Pero hindi ako umiyak. I don't know if I was too young to remember that I actually lost my mom or because I was busy looking on the flowers displayed near my mom's coffin. Well, they smell strange.

Chrysanthemums. They fill my nose.

Hot tears flow down my cheeks as I play the video over and over again trying so hard to make this all sink in my mind.

This is exactly how that flower made me remember. Tears, regrets, and disappointments.

Mabilis ang mga daliri ko sa pagtingin sa comment section. Trying so hard to find someone defending me from their accusations. I had a lot of followers, they adore me. They know me! I'm sure no one would believe this crap!

'Bold star naman pala si idol'

'Bakit pa siya nagdadamit sa mga shoots niya e mas bagay naman pala sa kanyang nakahubad.'

'Ayessha Lara is the slut of the year!'

'Nagkukunwari lang mahinhin tutuwad din naman pala'

I gasped. My hand trembled. Nanginginig ang buong katawan habang humahagulgol. I never recalled myself crying this hard.

My phone beeped for more notifications and messages. I opened my messages just to see random dms about the video. Some messages are to mock me about it and offer dirty deeds with me.

I'm currently the number one trending on Twitter and the video is all over the internet.

Saglit akong natulala. Naghahanap ako ng tapang para harapin lahat ng ito pero wala akong maisip.

How did this happen? I have everything under my control. How? Why?

An idea popped on my head. Josh! How did he? Why did he did this?

I dialed his number. It was ringing but he wouldn't pick up. I tried calling him on messenger but he wouldn't pick up.

Mas lalo akong nanlumo. I'm biting my fingers, I grabbed my hair out of frustration but that wouldn't give me answer.

It's nearing six a.m, but I spent it all walking around my room, my body burning with fever. I'm sweating, but my jackets were still on, hindi ako makahanap ng oras na alisin iyon.

I opened my phone again to dial his number. I want him to tell me he didn't did this. I want him to tell me he'll figure it out for me. I want him, please! I want to depend on someone for once! I want him to tell me this is going to be okay! I cannot do this, I have no face to face my dad and ask for his help.

I can picture him saying he told me to stay away from showbiz. I have no dignity, I'm a slut. I have no face to even face my friends.

My thoughts were cut by a ringing.

I coughed. The outside is dark.

Gulat akong napakurap-kurap sa paligid. My throat is dry and I feel dizzy, I still feel my body burning.

It's 5 pm in the evening. 12 hours had passed with me just sitting in my bed. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng gutom o uhaw sa oras na 'yon.

"H-Hello." my voice was hoarse and weak.

"Ayessha! I've been calling you---Thank, God."

"Clarence?" I said.

His line went silent. "I'm sorry." he sobbed. "I'm sorry this has to happen to you, Yesh." he cried.