I know.

Forty One

I climbed out the car, slamming the door and rushing down to the second place I was checking. This boy had me running all over town to find him and I was only half sure it was going to be worth it. I wanted to say that I'd thought about what I was doing on the drive over but the truth is I called Zoe. She didn't answer so I left her a voicemail, arguing with myself as I told her I'd met with Shannon and what she'd said and what she'd said about Jamie and how I don't think I was safe with him and everything else. Then I told her I was going to do something she was going to hate and that she was going to tell me I was stupid.

Because I was. I could hear her over and over again in my head. 'Rory. Remember what he did.' '10 years of shit' 'Never going to be around' 'Just a boy.' 6 weeks of her ranting with me, slating him, just replaying over and over and over. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I couldn't hear a damn thing. I barely remember the drive home. I remember passing his mums and his car not being there, driving to the park and he wasn't there and it was too late for him to be at the gym. I'd hit my head on the steering wheel. It was either the beach or the Lake. The lake was closer so I came here first with intentions of heading to the beach next and if he wasn't there I could scream before camping out on Moira's couch and wait for him to get home. If it went that way, I'd have been screaming at him before the night was over. There's still a chance of that if I'm honest.

"You're kind of hand to track down to say it's such a small town." He turned around, feet slipping in the pebbles under him. "90 minutes I've been looking for you." He smiled.

"Well, you found me." I pushed my hands into my jacket. "Rory. I'm so sorry. I know I said I'd make it work and I know I complained at you about you not being honest and open about everything whilst I'm away. I thought I had it under control. I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily. They did it all behind my back and I wasn't expecting it and I didn't know what to do so I just smiled and the second the camera was off I went mental. 2 guys from the Giants had to hold me back because it was so bad. I've been in meetings with lawyers and everything trying to get out of my contract because I can't do it with them anymore. Not after that stunt. I quit Rory. I have to go back down tomorrow to pack my shit up and leave my place. I don't know what I'm going to do until next year but the Giants have said I can join them at the first possible chance and I'm in an on hold contract with them. I promise Rory. I never meant to hurt you." He stepped over slowly, rubbing the palms of his hands on his jeans.

"I just had coffee with Shannon."

"Shannon, Shannon?"

"Yeah. You didn't tell me she got a restraining order for Jamie. Or that there was a knife involved. Police."

"It wasn't my place to say."

"It is when you knew how dangerous he could be and I only knew half of it. I'd have thought about it a little harder if I knew all that Griffin."

"I know." He closed the space even more, making me tilt my head backwards slightly. "I'm coming home Ror." My shoulders dropped and I took my hands out of my pockets, brushing my hair out of my face. "Out of the past 10 years Rory, the past 5 weeks have been the literal worst. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I have recently."

"You cried?"

"So hard I couldn't breathe. It was disgusting, you'd have laughed so hard. You know when babies are throwing a tantrum and it's just a whole mess. That was me." I bit back my smile. "You're my whole world Aurora. I can't cope with losing you again. I know you're with him right now-"

"I'm not with him." His chest rose quickly, collapsing again with a huge sigh. "Not officially anyway. Though I think he's going to cause a bit of trouble when I tell him I know about her and everything."

"Don't do it alone Ror."

"I'll wait until you come back." I stepped up to his chest. "I'm pretty good at avoiding people I don't want to see."

"I know. I've been looking for you all weekend."

"Bakery hours changed because it got busy."

"Good." He nodded. "It worked."

"What worked?"

"I talked to the Giants, they were spreading word about you to friends and family and everything. Said they'd make sure you got busier. Some of them live like 10 minutes away."

"You're insane."

"I can't have my future wives business going under can I?" He wrapped his arms around me. "I'll only be gone until I've packed up. I did a load before I came up so it should only be the one day I'm away. The second that final box is packed even if it's 3am, I'll drive back."#

"Does your mum know?"

"Not yet. I wanted to tell you first so it didn't get to Gus and then you."

"Yeah, Gus isn't your biggest fan at the moment is he?"

"Are you kidding? He nearly decked me on your porch Saturday night. Which, whilst we're talking about Saturday. You looked phenomenal." I blushed, looking down at my feet with a chuckle.

"Good. That was the point."

"No, you don't get it. I couldn't speak Aurora. I can't even- I can't put it into words. Every time I see you, it's like the first time all over again. But Saturday was different. That was a whole new Rory I hadn't seen before. She didn't give a fuck."

"I was a little drunk."

"Oh, you were plastered." He nodded. "You're face flushes red when you're drunk. Not like it does when you're embarrassed or nervous or angry. But when you're drunk it's everywhere. You're smiles bigger, you just don't care like you normally do. You don't have the burden. It's beautiful. Seeing you how I saw you at the beach."

"I wasn't drunk at the beach."

"No. But you were happy. The party was a different happy. But it was happy."

"I was happy you were there."

"You were?"

"Yeah. I felt safe. Knowing all the people around me wouldn't put a foot wrong if they knew you were here, even just in town." He nodded slowly. "I bought the dress for you. I was going to wear it when you came home. I wanted you to see it."

"I saw it." He pulled me up onto my tiptoes, standing on his feet for the added height I so desperately needed to get close to his height. "I see you Aurora. And I love you. More than anything."

"I know."

"And I'm going to spend forever making sure you know that I do. I'm never going to hurt you again. I never want to lose you. Not again. Twice is twice more than I'd have ever liked. You're more than my world Rory. You're the only reason I get out of bed on a morning. The reason I put 2 sugars in my coffee, because I know that's how you like it and you'll always take a sip of mine in your rush to get out of the house. You're the reason I want to be better. I'm going to be better Rory."

"I know Fin."

"Because I love you."

"Fin." I kissed him. Forcing his brain to stop for just a second and break the cycle he was setting himself on. "I know."

"Ror?"

"Yes?"

"Can you be mine again now please?"

"I'll always be yours Griffin."