A Silver Lining

2. Monster

     I sat in front of my boyfriend's grave, staring at the gravestone ahead as the grey, gloomy clouds roamed above. I knew it was going to rain soon enough, but I didn't care. I needed to be alone, to clear my thoughts, to talk...to him.

     In loving memory,

     Jacob Adam Wilson

     1990-2010

     He would have turned 20 that year if he hadn't passed away two days before his birthday. I remembered every moment of it, every aching moment. Jacob had cancer, and the thing that made me cry most about his death was that he was so optimistic throughout the whole process from finding out he had it, to finding out he could now countdown to his death. It was one of his traits that I admired, that I wish I had. The day he announced that he had cancer, was the day I broke apart. The day I became unfixable. He had told me that things were going to get better, that he was going to survive and kick cancer's ass like other survivors, but I guess luck just wasn't on his side. I hugged my knees to my chest as I rocked myself lightly back and forth on the dried grass that looked just about dead; dead like Jacob. I rested my head down on my knees, letting my tears fall with no holding back. I sobbed uncontrollably, my shoulder's shaking as I felt the pain arise from my heart once again.

     "Jake...I-I miss you." I spluttered out as I looked at the grey rock ahead of me, a lifeless structure. Silence greeted me as I sniffed, another wave of realization of his death hit me as tears rolled down my face. If he was here, he would have said something along the lines of telling me to stop crying over him, to go out and seek new hobbies, to find my happiness. He would tell me that he wasn't worth crying over. And I would object. He didn't realize that he was the reason for my happiness, that nothing could replace him now that he was gone. He was my love, my one and only. I couldn't seem to stop crying as I was curled up in a ball, feeling the pain that surged emotionally throughout my body. I hated it. I hated this feeling, I hated feeling weak and vulnerable, but I knew I was irreparable; I would always be fragile, breakable.

Zayn's POV

     I watched the petite blonde from afar, the tinted windows of my car shielding myself from her view. A part of my heart felt for her, watching her emotions wash away in tears. She looked fragile, vulnerable. I felt guilty that I had caused it, I had gone too far. I deserved the slap she had given me; I deserved to feel the way I felt now. I knew how she felt, losing someone who meant the world to you. She and I were essentially the same, hurting. If she only knew how much I understood her, she would understand why I treated her to way I did. Her small frame stood up from her position, giving one last saddened look at the gravestone before turning to walk out of the cemetery, her hand was brought to her face, wiping away her tear-stained cheek. A droplet of rain splattered onto the windshield, triggering a question in my mind. Should I give her a lift? I pondered for a moment before shaking off the question. No way. For one, she would find out that I had followed her, and for another I didn't care about her well-being. At least I forced myself to pretend to not care. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't want to let myself fall again. It was too much of a risk. I revved up the engine of my car, pulling out into the street and headed home as the rain began to fall heavily. I forced myself to not think about Perrie, to focus on other things. When I had first met her, I had approached her for the wrong reasons. I backed out soon after because I thought it was the right thing to do, and now it was harder to keep her out of my life because of management. I had to try to shut her out though, keep my emotions locked; I didn’t want to get hurt again.

Perrie’s POV

     I was essentially soaked in rain from head to toe when I got back to the flat, shivering uncontrollably with the chattering of my teeth. I struggled to fit the key into the lock as the cold had taken over my nerves. The door flew open before I had a chance to attempt to unlock the door. A gush of warm air hit me as Jade’s eyes widened at the sight of me. Worry was shown as she quickly ushered me inside.