"You're the one who's hurt?" i sarcastically said to her. I'm already shaking because of my anger. "Wow! grabe apaka pa victim mo!"
"Natasha hindi naman sa ganon" hinawakan niya ang kamay ko pero inalis ko din yun. Umiiyak na siya. Grabe anong gusto niyang ipalabas, na ako ang masama?
"You're backstabbing me and you're fucking crying?!" galit na sabi ko sakanya. Sa sobrang galit, inis, sakit at halo halo na emosyon ay diko mapigilang maluha "are you fucking kidding me?!"
"Pwede naman natin 'tong pag usapan ng maayos Tasha" she said while crying.
"Don't ever call me by my nickname you!" i yelled at her "Leah kaibigan mo 'ko e, paano mo naman nagawa sa'kin yun?"
I saw her with my crush making out with him.
"You knew how much i like him!" i cried "You knew it.... you knew."
"I'm sorry Natasha. It's just... i already fallen to him" she said. I wipe my tears.
"Hey! stop being dramatic Natasha!" Lucas interrupted. "I don't even fucking like you and i will never like someone like you"
"Hindi kasalanan ni Leah, na siya ang nagustuhan ko."
"Yes! it's not her fault that you like her, pero tangina naman Leah, alam mong gusto ko si Lucas, pero ano?!" umiiyak kong sabi sakanya. She's my friend for almost 3 years and ganto igaganti niya sa'kin?
"Lucas...." pag tawag ko sa pangalan niya "Do you even love me?"
"No, and never"
"Kung hindi pala.... sana...sana hindi ka nag bigay ng motibo na gusto mo rin ako"
He never loved me. He just loved the idea that i was loving him. I loved him from his greatest strengths and deepest flaws. And him, well, i guess he just liked my attention.
Siguro nga ay wala lang iyon. Siguro nga ay ako lang ang nagbibigay ng kahulugan, maaring sa akin ay meron, sakan'ya ay wala naman. Siguro nga ako'y gumagawa lamang ng sariling imahinasyon
"I hate you both..." mahina kong bulong "Leave my condo now" I'm calmly said. Tinignan lang nila ako.
"Leave!" I yelled. And Leah quickly get her things and left with Lucas.
I cried harder when they leave.
Been a fighter for a very long time. Many suicidal thoughts, countless cries at night and falling asleep with a heavy heart and hoping everything to be better the next morning, but still you would be ending up walking in pain again. I don't know how far i could still handle my silent battles alone.
"Do i deserve this?" i asked myself while looking at the mirror. "Ano ba Nat, matapang ka diba? oh bakit ka umiiyak?"
"Tahan na Nat" sabi ko habang naka tingin sa salamin. "Everything will be fine."
nothing hurts more when you're crying at night without making a noise and losing your breath with those silent screams of hurt.
"Hi guys!" I happily greeted my friends "Tapos niyo na assignment niyo?" I aksed them. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na ako nakatulog kagabi dahil sa kakaiyak.
"Tasha" tawag sa'kin ni Francine "Okay ka lang ba?"
Agad naman akong napakunot sa tanong niya. Mukha ba 'kong hindi okay?
"Pinag sasabi mo?" natatawa kong tanong "Gosh Chine, I'm totally fine!"
No, I'm not.
"Ah okay, tahimik mo kasi" natahimik ako sa huli niyang sabi.
i can't even begin to describe how i'm feeling right now but all i can say is that it hurts a lot.
Tinignan ko ang mga kaibigan. Ang saya nilang panuorin habang may ngiti sa mga labi nila. Tinignan nila ako, ngumiti lang ako sakanila at pinag patuloy ang ginagawa namin.
"Hoy tara ice cream" yaya ni Jiro
"Wala na 'kong pera, Jiro" angal ni Jia. "Pero kung libre mo sige"
"Luh 'no ka, gold?" irap na sabi ni Jiro. 'tong dalawa talaga hys.
"Kanina pa tahimik si Tasha" sabi ni Faith. Tinignan ko siya at kinunotan ng nuo "Di ako sanay"
"Sus" i rolled my eyes.
"Tara na kasi" pangungulit ni Jiro "Fine libre ko na si Jia!"
"Si Jia lang?!" sabay namin sabi ni Faith at Chine.
"Oo, wala na kaya akong pera" Jiro rolled his eyes.
"Uy i smell something fishy" tukso ko kila Jia at Jiro.
Parang may something ha.
Masaya kaming kumakain sa labas ng seven eleven ng ice-cream.
"Hoy bff mo oh" tukso ni Jia, pero agad din napakunot ang noo niya ng makita niya ang kasama nito "Diba si Lucas yun? yung crush mo"
"Oo nga 'no" sabi naman ni Jiro "Hala gago bakit sila mag kasama?"
"Hala mag ka holding hands pa Tasha" kunwaring gulat na takip ni Jiro sa mukha niya gamit ang palad niya "Hala ahas"
"Hoy gago!" Chine laughed.
"Totoo naman ah!" sabi naman ni Jia "Alam niyang may gusto si Tasha diyan kay Lucas pero nilalandi niya"
"Tanga, sila na" sabi ko at tinignan ang ice cream medyo natutunaw na.
"Omg, for real?!" gulat nilang tanong at tinanguan ko lang sila.
"Ahas nga" sabi naman ni Faith.
"Mga tarantado" I laughed.
"Tara uwi na tayo." aya ni Faith.
"Ayoko pa." tinignan naman nila ako ng pag tataka
"Luh, dati ikaw palagi unang nag aaya umuwi ah."
"Wala lang ako sa mood umuwi ngayon" i laughed.
"Sige na uwi na tayo." sabi ni Francine. "Paulan na oh, wala pa naman akong dalang payong." she said.
"See you guys." huli kong sabi at kinawayan sila.
Pag kadating ko ng bahay. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang pagod na pagod ako.
I'm tired, too tired.
sometimes i use my imagination to make myself happy.
Slowly giving up.
When your mouth doesn't speak but your eyes did. Sometimes you can't explain what you feel inside. me acting like i don't really care but it really hurts.
It hurts when your heart is crying but your eyes dont.
