The Boy in the Park

Chapter 8

When I finally drove home, the sun was starting to set. I pulled into the driveway, and turned the engine off.

I walked into the house, and ran into my mom, sitting at the dinner table.

"Honey, dinner was 30 minutes ago! Where were you?"

"I was at Sam's house. I'm not hungry, but thanks for the offer." I said. I felt kind of bad, but the last thing I felt like was eating. I walked up the stairs to my room, and closed the door.

I walked to my bed, and sat down. I felt so empty. It'd been a day since we talked, but honestly, I would even be okay if we just sat at the park like how we did, before I really knew him.

I was being stupid. We'd talked what, 2 times? I didn't know what kind of person from just that. And it certainly wasn't enough to get this emotionally attached.

It was just because you were so used to seeing him everyday I told myself, That's the only reason why you're sad

It was still early, but I just wanted to sleep.

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I made my own routine now. My days of waking up early were far behind me. Nowadays, I woke up at 1 pm, ate a big ass bowl of cereal, and then spent the day in my room on tumblr, moping. My days felt empty, and once they were over, I felt even more upset at how little I'd done. I tried to make my days like how things would have been if I had never ever even gone to that stupid park. I hung out with my friends, didn't mention anything about Dylan, and tried to erase everything that happened. It was just a stupid thing that happened. In 5 years, I would look back at this and hardly remember it.

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A month later, I got up early. It was about 8 am, but I wasn't tired. I tried to get back to sleep, I tried to fall back into my new routine, but I couldn't. I had to get out of bed. 

My mom was still asleep, it was that early.  I walked downstairs, and took a pack of goldfish crackers with me. I brought my phone, and my headphones. I left my sketchbook and book at home. I wouldn't need those today.

I didn't exactly know where I was walking, or why. I opened the door and wandered around the neighbourhood. It must have been hours, but I was listening to music and deep in thought. All that registered was that I should keep moving. My surroundings changed every time I bothered to look around. First, the ugly construction by my house. Then, an elementary school, with an empty playground situated beside it. A swing was swaying from the wind. I passed countless areas, and my feet kept moving forward. I vaguely registered walking along a particular familiar path, near the end of my mindless wandering.

I looked up, and there I was.

I was at the park. 

I was confused, and a little anxious. But I had nothing to be anxious about, I reminded myself. I could go wherever I wanted to now, whenever I wanted to. It wasn't like he was going to be at the park.

I sat at my old bench, feeling a sense of déjà-vu. How many times had I come here previously, to sit, and read, and sketch? How many times had he sat right here, next to me? My brain was starting to get drowsy.

I wish he was here, I thought. I wish he was here so I could tell him what I wanted to tell him, so I would have a chance to do things right...

The sleepier I got, the more I thought about Dylan. Eventually, my eyes slowly drifted shut, and my thoughts gently shifted into dreams. The dreams were all off kilter, weird, odd. They were like broken pieces of a mirror. None of it made any sense. I could pick out certain fragments, but I couldn't peace it together. Somewhere in my dream, a voice called out my name over and over again. No, not just any voice. His voice. And then, somewhere far, far away, a dog barked. 

My eyes flew wide open. A dog barking? I turned and looked around.

We made eye contact. For what seemed like minutes, we just looked at each other, not saying anything. That's when I realized the direction he was going. He looked like he was about to leave. 

"So you saw me at the park, on the bench, sleeping, and you just decided to fucking leave? Instead of, I don't know, waking me up, and trying to talk to me? You owe me an explanation. No, Yo owe me an apology." I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I was so angry at him.

"Well, you were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh! Because everything you do is for my best interest at heart, isn't it? Like when you left because you 'didn't think it was fair to me'."

"I did what I had to do. Don't bring it up again. I thought we resolved this." He was trying to calm me down, but I wasn't ready to be calmed down.

"You thought it was for my best interest, didn't you? Well it really wasn't. You only did what you did because you were afraid. You were afraid to let me know what was going on. You were afraid to let me in. You were afraid to let  your guard down."

"If I was so fucking afraid to let my guard down, why am I even at this park? I came here everyday after I said that to you, hoping  you'd come back. And you never did. For a whole month I waited here, and you never came back." He said. "If I didn't want you to know what was going on, then why am I talking to you right now?"

I didn't know what to say. I figured he'd just stopped coming here, after that one day in the car. I would have never guessed that he came here to look for me. That he waited for me.

"Well what do we do now?" I asked. I could hear the defeat in my voice, as if I'd given up on trying to mend our relationship, before we even started.

"We can start from the beginning again." He said.