What Could've Been

Chapter Two

Sending...

"Gawwwwwahhh "

I unintentionally let out a horrid sound while stretching my back on the office chair I'm using for work. It's dawn. Two days since the weird incident and I'm still not getting enough sleep.

"Tapos na po agad? '

Reply ng kliyente ko sa email na siya namang tinawanan ko. Madalas kasi ay tamad ako at laging nag cracram pero pag tinamaan naman ng kasipagan ay sobra sobra ang productivity. The duality of Veronica De Gracia.

"Yep. Paki check na lang po and let me know kung may gusto kayong ipabago at ipadagdag. "

I turned off the tablet and dove back to bed. This is my life as an artist. My main source of income are commissions. Sometimes, people message me through socials or through an app created for artists. They pair us up with clients depending on their preferences. With that being said, naalala ko nanaman ang sinabi ni Ari.

Alien guy. It's been seven years. That span of time may seem short for it is squeezed into ten letter words but to me, it's long enough to forget someone else's existence.

Or did I really forget?

When I was seventeen, I met someone online. Well, met is probably not the right word but since day one of my involvement with this entity, I was never able to find the right words. Dump account ang gamit ko. Doon ako nag popost ng art works at mas maraming nakaka interact na followers compared sa real account ko na boring at filtered. That dump account was like being operated by my alter ego. My free self.

One random night, I was messaged by an account without name. Ang profile picture ay vector art na alien. Color pink at naka peace sign. Weird. My initial thought. Weird so it's interesting. I got curious. Resembling a fish getting caught by a rod. That's how he got me. We talked about random topics, made up stories, film and song reco's. It was like my break from reality; one thing I needed the most. My favorite time of the day was night until dawn when we'll start ranting about how fucked up everyone is around us and how we're better off far from them.

I felt like a runaway and he's an accomplice. It's a different kind of comfort to know that someone shares the same views as you. That you're not alone. Someone can match your level of weirdness. Weeks turned to months and the latter into a year. Hindi namin napansin ang takbo ng oras. Kahit nakalipas na ang taon, pakiramdam ko ay isang linggo pa lang simula nang magkausap kami. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba masyado akong masaya, oh dahil hindi naman talaga namin kilala ang isa't isa. I don't know his name and all he had was an alias I got from my deceased friend. A cat named Vince. I don't know what he looks like but that's the least important thing to me as long as he's not twice my age. All I know was where he lived, his school and course, and what his parents does for a living.

He also likes to pick up kittens from the street and pet  them as his own although they easily die after a month or so under his care. He's outgoing, has an active social life in real world which is very opposite from what I'm like. He smokes, and drinks, and his health is in a bad shape. We know each other's traumas and hidden madness but not each other's identity. We swam underneath the bottom of the iceberg without minding its peak. Odd as it is, but that's how I liked it better.

I liked a person I've never seen nor heard. Ang gaga lang. Parang kahit sino ay hindi maiintindihan ang pakiramdam na iyon. Kahit ako. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Natakot ako pero kahit anong subok ko, hindi ko nagawang alisin iyon. I made attempts to confess but failed numerous times. I didn't want him to think that I'm crazy or easy. However, I couldn't bear the feeling of hiding.

Umabot ng three years ang pag-uusap namin hanggang sa unti unti itong nanlamig. Frequently turned into barely. We both got busy, I guess, but he was the one to leave first. Akala ko, isang linggo lang pero inabot ng dalawa. Nag-hintay ako hanggang isang buwan. Dalawa, tatlo. Wala na talaga. Then, changes showed up in my life. Adulting, college, family issues. Before I knew it, I was back there. To the world where I used to belong. Sa reyalidad na lagi kong tinatakbuhan.

But this time, wala nang pupuntahan kapag gusto ulit tumakas. Wala nang daan. It was dead end, and I'm trapped.