The Traitors

Chapter 18 - Fi

Logan hadn't budged from the spot where he stood, but neither had I. I was in complete shock due to everything which transpired in this office in the span of the last fifteen minutes. Processing everything was proving to be overly complicated due to the amount of emotions bombarding me at one time. 

I was paralyzed with the amount of guilt building on my chest. I was related to the man who was the source of their turmoil and I had been completely oblivious to all of it. I was so detached and disinterested in my father's life that it blinded me to what was really going on. The work he bragged to me about and how proud of himself he was would've never told me how unethically immoral and horrible it all was. How could he live with himself? I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night knowing I was inflicting mistreatment upon anyone to the degree that which Gabe described.

My heart wept for the four. I couldn't even begin to imagine the hell they went through. The small amount I knew was already too much. How long did they suffer within the walls of that building? 

I felt like such an asshole for bringing those fucking binders here and for being inconsiderate of how they would react to them. I was so determined to get answers that I completely neglected how this would impact them. I knew to some degree the information in those binders was sensitive, but still, I delivered them without hesitation.

There was no excuse for that decision. 

Then, I was angry, but I wasn't exactly sure if it was at myself or my father. I wish I had known this information before I went to meet with him because I would've handled things differently. I didn't think it was possible for me to hate the man more than I already did, but here I was.

Who was Brian Monroe, because I certainly didn't know. I had never been so ashamed to be related to him and the devastating weight of his actions was destroying me.

I didn't blame Gabe for getting aggressive. Was his anger a little misguided? Perhaps, but he was stunned and felt betrayed so he lashed out. I did feel bad for burning him, but in all honesty, I didn't think; I reacted. In that moment, Logan was the only thing that mattered.

For the love of God, I needed him to say something. Anything. I felt like I was on the verge of freaking out which was poetic in a full circle kind of way. Before I walked in here today, I wasn't sure where Logan and I stood since he had been avoiding me. This was the first we had seen each other and the first we've been alone since his panic attack. While his lack of answering and explanation made more sense to me now, I still wasn't sure what was going on in his head.

To be honest, I was at a loss for words, myself, which was rare because I never shut up. While I had gotten some answers, there were still far too many questions crowding my thoughts. Who was Anna? Was everything Gabe said true? How long were they at Mal Corp? Why didn't he tell me?

The last question was the one which stung the most, but it was his choice if and when he wanted to tell me. Unfortunately, Gabe took that from him, but I was interested if he would elaborate now that the Mal Corp secret was out.

Logan collected himself well enough to finally turn to face me. He refused to meet my eyes which seemed intentional. My feet yelled for me to go to him, embrace him in my arms, and apologize for all the mistreatment in the name of my father, but I couldn't bear if he stepped away from my touch again. The action cut me like a knife last week, even if I understood he needed the space and didn't want to be touched. His mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. So instead, I spoke.

"I'm sorry." The overwhelming emotions decided on remorse.

The apology seemed to confused him because he responded, "What?"