AROUND THE HEART IN 80 DAYS

Thirty Six

Life took a turn at Ascent Hospital. A little before 11:00pm. Edrei walked out of the area to settle by the healing pool where patients usually took their diagnosed rest or even a swim which was great for wellness and the psyche. The soft ripples of the pool would be the calming sensation that was going to help him soothe the ache.

At 10:37pm--the last time he had checked his phone-- some elderly men were still lounging by the pool, talking about something which made them happy, and in a split second, he wished he could join them in their conversation. What they were talking about must be menial in comparison to the grave weight that weighed in on his heart.
He couldn't hear them, even if he tried, for he was at a great distance from where they were, on the hillier side of the grassy bank and deciding to focus his attention on the reflection of the full moon in the ripples of the pool.

Life sucked. It was shitty to be waiting patiently for death to take somebody you've known for a long time, worse if it was somebody you've loved for a long time. For the thousandth time in the past couple of months, he asked again why it had to be his own girlfriend that would go down the common drain.

But she couldn't hold on. Every heartbeat from him was wasted whenever the pain came on her. He wished he could give her some of his health or take her pain away from her entirely. It was a stab to his chest whenever she couldn't even go out to enjoy the midday sun without writhing. They were all watching her slowly fade away and he could do nothing about it.

He stapled his fingers under his chin and remembered reluctantly the qualities of Mariana Müller. For one, their meeting had been out of pure coincidence, her taking a wrong seat on the plane next to him. Since then, she had filled his life with only excitement and laughter. She was comical, seeing life through a very positive view, incredibly sexy, very diplomatic and extremely book smart. She was crazy about numbers and enjoyed being there when he was handling accounting logs. She was such a partner, and now...

The scariest sound came to him in form of his phone when it vibrated against his thigh. He and Mariana's connection was weird because he knew she was gone before Rebecca's shaky voice told him she was slipping away over the phone. He still cried though, before picking himself up to go to talk to her soon-to-be-lifeless body. Even if he knew it was useless. It made more sense to talk to her there and then in his heart than to talk to a wrap of cold skin, skin that was once warm with love.

Would everybody understand for God's good sake that it was still so hard in his chest that sometimes it travelled down to his spine? The pain was scarily physical too. Some days, he could still hear her laughter clearly, perceive her favorite perfume, feel her presence.

Maybe the people around him did understand. And they just worried about him.
He knew Jacqueline was trying to understand as well and he appreciated her for it. Of course whenever he and Jacqueline hugged or smiled or even spoke, he felt guilty towards her for feeling guilty of being happy with another woman that was not his late fiancée. Was Mariana his fiancée or girlfriend? Well, he would've proposed sooner if she hadn't been ill stricken.

He knew he said it repeatedly in his head that he would put the past behind him and move on with the future but the heart just did what it did.

It choked his throat while his thumb caressed his late girlfriend's picture that was his phone's screensaver (he knew Jacqueline knew it was his wallpaper, she never said anything about it thankfully) while his roommate packed an overnight bag, Imogen beside her helping to pack.

Since the next day would be Christmas, it was tasking for the bakery and Jacqueline preferred they completed all their orders before the D-day so everybody could be free for the holiday.
Edrei sat across her locomotive self while he ran through sweet and bitter memories.
What a mess he was in.