Revelations! (Alhaitham x Kaveh)

*.• 1 •.* The Scholar's Guide to the Mysteries of Sumeru

I wake up the same way I wake up every morning: way too hot and way too alone.
Even when Alhaitham was here, I still woke up alone, but it's not quite the same now. I could usually find him sitting on the couch, reading in the early morning light. Of course, he looked damn near flawless. I, on the other hand, looked like I had been dragged through the shrubbery backwards and tossed in the dirt a few times.
I lift myself out of bed like a zombie rising from the grave. Nothing feels the same anymore without Alhaitham.
Begrudgingly, I slide out of bed and slip a shirt on. It's one of Alhaitham's shirts. It has his scent all over it: the heavy scent of the sea. I'm not sure how else to explain it, but our house smells like Port Ormos.
I carefully tuck Alhaitham's covers back to where they were before he left. I don't usually come into his room for any reason, but he's been gone for weeks now. My hope of him coming back has been all but dashed, so I just decide to forget about him as best as I can. Frankly, it's hard when you're living in HIS house surrounded by HIS things and breathing in HIS scent. I've been sleeping in his bed regularly. If he comes home to find me in his bed, he'll probably sleep on the couch or something anyway.
When the covers are as crisp as I can get them, I leave the room and enter the kitchen. The books and the bookshelves are collecting dust. If Alhaitham were here, there would be at least two more books I have to find room for on the shelves.
It's always "if Alhaitham were here..."
I don't understand why I always think about him. He's just my roommate. He's nothing besides my roommate, my landlord essentially, he's nothing more.
     You know he means much more than that.
I squeeze my eyes shut. "Don't cry, Kaveh..." I lift my head to the ceiling. Tears well in my eyes, but I will them to go away. If I cry now, my face will be red all day. Just have to get through the day. As soon as I come home tonight, I can cry to my heart's content.
Just like that, my appetite is gone. Another skipped meal, I brood. Oh well, can't be helped.
I make my way to the bathroom. After turning on the faucet, I put my arms under the water. The various cuts sting, making me wince.
I don't know why I do this to myself.
Alhaitham leaves for a few weeks, and I go into a state of depression. The worst part is that I'm relapsing. I've had a long history of depression and self harm. I go through cycles where I'm fine and I don't feel the urge to hurt myself, then I'm suddenly sent spiraling back down again after a month or two.
     Alhaitham is usually more than enough to prevent me from relapsing too deeply. The confusing torrent of emotions he makes me feel are more than enough to distract me and shock my brain into focusing on those emotions rather than my own depression. However... Alhaitham isn't around anymore.
This time, it's Alhaitham's sudden disappearance itself that's caused me to relapse. It's odd because he's never ever left me in the dark for this long, nor have I felt this way for him before.
     The thing about Alhaitham is that he's a dickhead, but he's a good dickhead. He takes care of me in his own unique way. Even if it's... a bit unconventional and sort of a roundabout way to do so, he does make sure I have everything I need to survive and even more to make me comfortable. He treats me like I'm human. Not like I'm a lesser being.
     And so, in perfect fairytale fashion, I obviously fell very deeply in love with my glorified landlord. In the days before he left, I've been really feeling the love for him in a very powerful wave. My feelings for Alhaitham are a cycle as well, so it was that much more intense. I go from loving him, to liking him, to loving him, to hating him... and back again.
     Everything is a cycle! Why can't I just be happy?! Why can't I just appreciate the things I have and live my life normally?? Why do I always have to do this?!
Alhaitham will think I'm so dramatic if he ever saw this. Some of the wounds are fresh, others are old. All of them hurt me inside. I've never allowed Alhaitham to see any of the cuts, although it's not that hard to achieve this considering I rarely harmed since we've been living together. In a way, you could say he saved me. I'm dependent on him.
I pull the sleeves of Alhaitham's shirt down to my wrists to cover them up. This way, I can almost forget they're there.
Going back to the kitchen, I decide to eat at least something small. Going hungry won't make me feel any better. I'd usually eat a sunsettia or an apple or something, but we have neither of the fruits left. I'll have to go to the market to get some.
I grab my Mora pouch from off the counter. It feels incredibly light because I haven't gotten paid in forever. Why? I've done no work. I open the pouch and count five Mora inside. This won't do... I'll starve at this rate. When Alhaitham left, he left a note saying he was going to the desert and would be back soon. He placed a small pouch of Mora beneath it and called it my "emergency funds." He only did this, I presume, because he left me with very little food left. I suppose his research was more important than my life.
No, you're not a child. You have a job. You get money. You just don't work. If you actually shut up for once and did your work instead of whining and complaining like a child then you would have plenty of Mora. I purse my lips. My work has been piling up slowly but surely since he left. My motivation to work on anything has just completely left me.
I hate myself more than anyone ever could.
I open the drawer that I stashed the pouch in. I definitely won't be needing this, I thought as I stuck it in the day I first read the note. Look at me now. I swallow. My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach as tears well in my eyes again. What a pathetic man I am.
I pour the Mora from my pouch into his. I'll have to get dressed in something somewhat presentable before I leave. I dread leaving this house. I haven't left it in the past... three days? Maybe four? I can't remember anymore.
     Regardless, if Alhaitham ever does come back, I want him to at least come back to see me alive. I'd like some closure if he did find someone else he likes better than me. I'll decide whether or not to let myself die when he comes back and tells me why he's left.
     I enter his room again. His room has essentially become my room. I've kept this room spotless. Free of dust, dirt, and perfectly organized and essentially sparkling. That's what I've been doing the past few days. Cleaning.
     Alhaitham's closet has many interesting items I didn't know he owned. My favorite one, however, is a light sweater with a simple stripe pattern. Usually, he dresses pretty formally, so seeing such a simple sweater in his closet is just cute to me. I slip it over my head. It's warm and comfortable.
     As for my bottoms, I wear a simple pair of sweatpants in the bottom drawer of his closet. He probably hasn't worn these in months.
     I check and double check that I have my keys, the Mora pouch, and my Vision clipped to my waist.
     With certainty, I step outside. The sun is bright. It's been a small while since I've been outside. I lock the door and make my way to the markets.
     The streets of Sumeru are exactly as I left them: peaceful and happy. Oblivious almost. There's only one small detail that I notice: no one is wearing an Akasha Terminal.
     Now that I realize it, my own Akasha Terminal has gone missing with no explanation. I hadn't noticed because I haven't worn it in a week. It just slipped my mind completely.
     I shrug it off. Maybe the Dendro Archon decided it wasn't good enough. Maybe it's getting an update and will return better than ever.
     Either way, I don't care.
     There's a specific stall that sells fruit, and it's reasonably cheap as well. I don't have many funds left to my name, so I have to conserve as much as possible.
     "Good morning, Kaveh! I haven't seen you in a while," Thorne greets me. He's the vendor of this specific fruit stall. I used to drop by very frequently to purchase a fruit or two when I went on my walks. Of course, Alhaitham's disappearance sucked my motivation to go on walks right out of me.
     "Good morning, Thorne," I greet him back.
     "Are you alright? You look a bit... how do I say it? You look a bit ill." I immediately get offended by that, but Thorne's expression is one of pure concern. There is no malicious intent in this man.
     "Do I? Hmm. Perhaps I've been working too hard lately." I try to play it off cool.
     "Well, you should try to get a bit more sleep and eat more water. You look a lot thinner as well. Have you been eating properly...?" He leans forward in his chair.
     I hesitate. The truth is no, but the truth is always painful. "I've been eating alright. It's probably just stress or something."
     He hands me a zaytun peach. "You can have this on the house today."
     "I could never! Let me compensate you for this."
     "zaytun peaches grow everywhere! They're easy to cultivate and aren't super expensive as a result. Giving you this is of no consequence to me." His kind expression and actions almost bring me to tears.
     I take the fruit. "Thank you, truly." I take a bite out of it. The sweet flavor spreads throughout my mouth.
     "Oh, did you hear the news?"
     "Hmm?" News? I heard nothing. Although, I have been holed up in my house for days on end, so I'm not very surprised.
     "Apparently, the Grand Sage has been keeping the Dendro Archon trapped in the Sanctuary of Surasthana! They were in cahoots with the Fatui as well! They tried making a false god, and...." Thorne goes on and on about what's been going on these past few days. He never mentions Alhaitham's name, but I have half a mind to know he definitely has something to do with this.
     I'm no longer afraid of him being in love with someone else.
     I'm afraid of him straight up being dead.
     Or worse, imprisoned by the Akedemiya.
     "Kaveh?"
     I snap back to reality. "Yes! I was listening."
     "It really is a crazy world we live in these days. I wonder who the next Grand Sage will be?"
     "I don't know. Maybe Lesser Lord Kusanali will take on the role herself."
     "Yeah. But anyway, I'm sure you've got more stalls to stop at. Would you like to take some fruit with you?"
     "Yes, that's why I came here." I examine the fruits he has on display. "Hmm... I'll take two apples, three sunsettias, and... two zaytun peaches."
     He pulls out a basket. "That'll be 20 Mora."
     "20? That seems... cheap, even for you."
     "You seem to be suffering a bit, so I decided to give you a discount. You are my good friend after all!" He prepares the fruits and places them neatly into the basket.
     "Thank you." I pick out 20 Mora from the pouch, place it in his hand, take the basket, and say my goodbyes.
     I wander down the path. There are many different vendors selling a wide variety of items. One of them in particular catches my eye. It's a stall selling books. I can already tell that we own a few of the books from here.
     "Welcome! Are you an avid reader?" the vendor greets me. She's a kind looking woman with a pair of glasses framing her face.
     I shake my head. "Ah, no, my roommate is, though." I leaf through the books.
     "Looking for a gift? I can give you recommendations! What does your roommate like?"
     "Hmm." Ah, well, you know the Scribe of the Akedemiya? Yeah, that's him. I laugh to myself. I could never just admit that. "He's quite boring. He loves books that are full of nothing but information. It's almost as if education turns him on," I sneer.
     "He'll love this one!" She slides a book across the table.
     I read out the title. "The Scholar's Guide to the Mysteries of Sumeru."
     "Yep! I think it's pretty good!"
     "Alright. I'll take it." I know we don't have this one. Maybe Alhaitham will stay home a little longer if he has something to do.
     "That'll be 15 Mora!"
     I hand her 15 Mora, then I take the book and leave. I hope Alhaitham will like the things I've gotten for him.
     I continue to wander around until I find myself in one of the dark corners of Sumeru. The city has a few obscure places where criminals carry out their crimes. The dark spots change every once in a while.
     When did I get here...?
     I swallow hard as I turn and hurry away.
     "Hey!"
     I pause. Slowly, I look over my shoulder. A group of dark men approach me. "What's in the basket?"
     "It-It's just some fruit!" My voice pitches up due to fear.
     "What are you doing here?"
     "I wandered here on accident..."
     They look around at each other. One of them smirks. "You're a pretty girl. Pretty vulnerable, too."
     "I am not a girl, and I'd think twice before approaching a Vision Bearer." My Vision flashes at my side.
     "Oh-ho? Aggressive, ain't she?"
     I don't respond.
     With only a look, they rush at me. I prepare for battle, but I'm not even good at fighting in the first place. What little fighting skills I have are now rusty.
     My knees lock up.
     As I'm knocked to the ground, the sweater rips. They ripped Alhaitham's sweater. Anger boils in the pit of my stomach. I lash out at random, smacking anything and everything that moves.
     The fight is over almost as soon as it starts.
     "Is that the Akedemiya Scribe?!"
     "No way!"
     It takes no more convincing to get them to run off.
     I lift myself only halfway so I'm sitting upright on the ground. The basket was knocked out of my arms, so the fruits are scattered around. The book looks a little scuffed.
     Worst of all, there's a large tear in Alhaitham's sweater.
     Also... did they say the Akedemiya Scribe...?
     "Kaveh?"
     I recognize that voice.
     I twist around.
     "ALHAITHAM!?"