My Story

My Worst Fear

We're still a kind of happy family, still living with his mother but we're finally financially stable to move out on our own. So we're looking for houses.

One day when my fathers son and I were home, everyone else was gone at work and his younger brother was at school. I'm feeling weird this day it's about 8 o'clock in the morning and I'm not feeling right. I ask my sons father to go buy me a pregnancy test, you weren't happy I know, trust me I know. When he got home I shut myself in the bathroom while my son was napping. I was scared, nervous, but I also know if I was pregnant I would be happy and we would figure it out. Yes my son was only one, but everything happens for a reason.

I remember taking the test, and setting it down, I was rocking back and forth patiently waiting. I picked up the test and it read pregnant. Holy fucking shit I'm pregnant again, I started crying, shaking, my hearts racing, I was scared to tell him. But I did, I called him into the bathroom, and I showed him. No emotion, literally nothing, the only words that came out of his mouth were exactly this, "Come on get your shoes on we're going to get an abortion" I begged him, I told him that we could do this, that we could make it work, we could figure something out like we always do. He didn't care, he wanted it gone.

He started to say it wasn't his, that if I kept the baby that he wasn't taking care of it, he wasn't claiming it, he was kicking me out and I could take care of it by myself, that he would never ever help me, that I better not let the bay grow up to think he was the father because he would deny it till the day he dies. Again, what's wrong with me? What did I do? Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't our fucking baby good enough to be born into the world, why just why?