I wasn't suppose to loose who I was, or beg and pray for the old me to come back. Switch up hair styles. Cut, dye, and bleach my hair to figure out which color and style fits me. I wasn't suppose to believe in a god that doesn't exist or a demon that doesn't even put harm on humans. I was suppose to believe in my own religion and feel free to do whatever I want to my own hair at my own free will and not do it because it wasn't good enough for someone. I wasn't suppose loose my honest self because someone didn't like the truth. I wasn't suppose to keep my mouth shut and let the brutal words of my partner cover me in poison to the point it's the only thing I can think about. I wasn't suppose to sugar coat my life and become one big lie till I can't take it anymore and spill my sorrows out to the one I thought I could trust to only then told I was abusive and my behavior is the reason behind it all. That wasn't suppose to happen. I was suppose to be me. But the old me, wasn't fit for the perfect fairytale. I was too honest. I was a liar. I was a narcissist. I was a good person. I was a terrible human that should go to hell. I am sweet and gentle person that deserves nothing but and care from my one true love. No I wasn't. I was suppose to suffer. What was I suppose to think? Who was I suppose to be? Who was I meant to be? What was I suppose to wear? I can't wear something that shows my confidence people might stare and that's not okay to someone. Don't have friends they may steal you from me. Shut yourself out and stay locked away with me. But, you're not actually locked with me. I'm free to do what I want and you stay in the cage. Stay in that cage till I let you out. That's what it felt like. You didn't say it, but I was your bird. Your pretty prize bird that stood for everyone. But no one saw me. So, what was the point of being in this cage if no one saw my beauty and saw the real me? Oh wait. It was for you and you only. Only for you to watch me strip away who I was from the start. Watch me break and break the nonsense I once was until I was just crumbs. Then once I snap at you. You look at me and say, "I was just kidding. Go be yourself. Have friends and dress the way you want and be who you are." That's the thing. I don't know who I am anymore.
Who am I ?
YOU ARE READING
The thoughts of a wondering mind.
PoetryMixed thoughts. Mixed feelings. Swirling ideas. It all happens in one mind. Some are the same. Some are different. Some make you weep on your knees as you beg the pain to go silent with the words of a poem. Others make you feel the relief of gettin...
