Old (O.L.D.) - Hannibal AU

Chapter 7

Hannibal was conflicted. The feeling didn't come often. His hallucination the other day left him with another view on life. But was it really a hallucination when everything felt so real. When the cut on his cheek was still there, still stinging every time his fingertips brushed upon it. His Goddess had laid her claim on him. That was indisputable. Now it was his turn to worship her. The question was how? What did he had to offer to her? He could cook and offer her his his art. He could begin sacrificing the souls of the rude in her name. It was a good offering but still it left him unsatisfied. He could shower her with gifts. The finest clothes and drape her in jewels. He could offer a crown of rubbies to adorn her black curls. All these options made him nauseous. It wasn't enough.

He could gift her with a dog. She liked dogs, she had seven of them, but she only took in strays. He could of course look for the perfect one, but that would take time, time he didn't have. He needed something now. To show his gratitude, to show his devotion.

Hannibal seemed awfully unprepared. He didn't know what she needed. Their talks have been sparse and his Goddess didn't have him much to work with. There was of course her confession from their last session.

Will's confession left him unsettled. He himself chose not to have children. In part because of Mischa and of course because he didn't quite wanted the responsibility of forming another human being. And there were of course risks involved. The child may not be like him. Unthinkable. The fact that a child of his would grow up to be a simple minded, rude creature. Incapable of understanding the pure art he was making. The transformation he was offering to those that were undeserving of life. It had been a reason that gave him a pause in taking the jump and having a child of his own.

He met numerous women in his long career as Doctor, when he practiced as a surgeon and as a psychiatrist, but he was never affected by their tears nor their suffering. That changed that day in his office. The pang in his chest resonated with the pain he was witnessing. The raw emotion he observed on Will's face. She seemed to understand and accept her situation yet it still hurt. He had a vague impression that her condition was not something she had been born with or was the result of an accident or disease. Beneath the pain there was anger, no, not anger, rage. The way her raged simmered to the surface beneath the pain. It was delicious. She accepted her condition, accepted that she cannot do anything to change her situation, but that didn't mean that she didn't want her pound of flesh from those that put her in that position in the first place.

He was a provider at his core. A thing instilled in him since childhood. And that made him want to provide for her. The only problem was that he didn't knew how. He couldn't magically offer her a child. There was adoption of course but the opportunity came and went. Abbigail Hobbs was a prime candidate but Will purposely let her die. He also didn't believe that his Goddess would be receptive if he appeared on her porch out of the blue saying he wants to adopt a child with her. Not now at least.

He also had doubts about her inability to conceive. The doctor in him wanted to know exactly what she suffered from, to see if he could fix it. That meant that he had to bring her in for some tests. He needed to see with his own eyes that a biological child was out of question. How could he do that? He had his connection at John Hopkins of course, the tests themselves would not be a problem. No, the problem would be to convince his Goddess to go to the hospital to take them.

It was infuriating. So many options and none that he could do quickly. Hannibal should have expected as such. After all his religion was a life long commitment.

***

Hannibal looked dreadful, he knew. The looks he received from the agents he was currently with only confirmed it. He spent his nights squeezing his brain trying to come out with the perfect gift. All in vain. He couldn't find something worthy of her. Something of equal value of what she had given him.