Can you heal old scars?

Chapter 19

Xander helped Quin to arrange for the tracker on his ankle to be removed, and to make sure that Barry wasn't the one that did it. After that had been done, Quin felt a little less trapped but his mind was so fragile that he would no longer leave the house.

At this point Quin was convinced that Callow somehow knew he was trying to have his mark removed, and was intent on destroying Quin's sanity. It was only the knowledge that it would be gone soon that kept Quin going, he honestly didn't think he would survive if he didn't have that to cling to.

By the end of the week Quin's energy faltered, he became erratic and paranoid over every action. He couldn't work, he couldn't even care for himself, taking to his bed for long periods and refusing to eat.

Xander could tell how dark Quin's mind had become and moved in with Quin, sleeping on the couch and spending as much time as he could distracting him with games and movies. On the occasions he had to leave, Katja would conveniently show up for a visit.

Quin couldn't blame them, they were concerned about him and he was grateful of that.

It was mid week when Katja turned up for another visit, Xander having to go and sort his own life and responsibilities out. Quin was busy feeling guilty about how Xander was putting his own life on hold, when something Katja said snapped him back to a conversation he hadn't been aware he was having.

"I honestly didn't know you liked guys, I mean I knew you sometimes found guys attractive but I never realized it was enough to want to do anything with one. And now your blood bound mate is a guy? This is all new info Quin! Spill it, what's going on?"

"Huh?" Quin said a little baffled, sure he wasn't very open about his sexuality but then he wasn't very open about any of his private life. He had only been with a few women, all of which had been quick encounters. Nothing more than a "hit and run" type situation.

"Why did you never mention you liked guys too? Did you think I wouldn't accept you?" Katja said, a slight hurt look to her face.

"No it's not like that... Ah...." Quin scratched his neck, he didn't even realize he was doing it most of the time now. There had been a few times that he had been scratching so much he had made it bleed, and Xander would have to snap him out of obsessing.

"I'm not comfortable around men in that way... So I just never bothered to do anything about it. It wasn't a deliberate denial or anything..." Quin said, he wasn't sure he wanted to be talking about this just yet.

Katja didn't know about what had happened to him as a child, and he didn't want to talk about it. But at the same time he kind of needed to if he was going to have any hope of improving the relationship with Ryan, because even after the mark was removed, Quin would still have a huge fear of being close to a man in any kind of intimate way.

"Why aren't you comfortable with men? What's the difference for you?" Katja said, her words making Quin think more than he usually liked to.

"Well... I guess with a woman I feel in control of things, I feel safe. With a man I don't feel like I have that control, it's more dangerous so I can't relax..?" It was a very simple explanation, but he hoped it would be enough.

"You don't want to bottom? Quin you could always top, you know that right?" Katja said with a chuckle.

"Not with the kind of guys I'm attracted to, and definitely not with Ryan... I mean he's an Alpha wolf, he isn't going to be the submissive one, which leaves me. I just can't do that..." Quin said, a sort of coldness coming over him. He was scratching his neck again, the intense burning of the mark almost becoming hypnotic in a way.

Katja took his hand in hers, breaking the cycle of scratching. He looked over at her and saw her eyes glowing softly, she was staring at his neck.

"Quin your bleeding..." She muttered, getting up and heading to the kitchen. She started rummaging about in the draws until she found the first aid kit, returning and taking out some gauze and antiseptic.