Good Enough for me

No Shame

♭ Around 3 in the morning

Seungmin woke up from his slumber to a weird rushing sound. The boy slowly opened his eyes in the dark and turned his head in the direction of the door, but could barely see anything in the room. Beside him, the mattress felt cold, indicating that there was no longer a person lying beside him.

The boy patted the floor, searching for his phone, and when he finally found it, he pressed the side button to look at the time. The glare was too bright, causing the opposite effect of what he wanted and temporarily blinding him. Anyway, he realized it was still too early, as his alarm hadn't gone off yet. Still adjusting to the light, he sensed a figure moving in the darkness.

"Gaon? Is that you?"

The movements stopped for a moment, and the silence took over the room. Seungmin got up from the mattress to go for the light switch, and when the light was back on, the boy saw his bandmate crouching over his green backpack. Jiseok was paralyzed, hands in the air mid-action like a statue, or rather a raccoon that was caught fussing on someone's trash. He released a single humorless laugh, then looked up at a confused Seungmin.

"Uhm, sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up."

Seungmin rolled his eyes playfully, then walked in the older boy's direction. The wooden floor felt cold under his feet and for a second he regretted not wearing socks, but he ignored the feeling and the though. Crouching beside Jiseok in the same position as the older boy, Seungmin supported his body by folding both arms over his knees. — "The hell are you doing at this hour?"

Jiseok resumed his action and sat back on the floor, his knees already hurting because of the position he was in for too long. His brown eyes looked smaller than they normally were, probably caused by the lack of sleep, or maybe because of the overthinking he did for hours before deciding to just get up and, if he had the chance, quietly leave. Too much wishful thinking. The boy cursed himself internally for being unable to stay quiet for once in his life.

"I couldn't sleep." — He simply said. It wasn't a lie, after all. But it was just part of the truth.

With his arms still crossed over his knees, the younger boy studied Jiseok for a few seconds, looking around the living room. — "What about the bags?" — He moved his head, motioning to the bag close to the entrance and the green backpack in front of his bandmate. It was way too early in the morning, and he was still sort of sleepy, but the situation was clear to him. Seungmin just didn't know the reason why Jiseok was leaving.

The older boy scrunched his face, looking anywhere but Seungmin's direction. The reason he wanted to leave quietly and just send a text message later saying he found a place to stay was exactly the fact that he didn't want to explain himself. It was embarrassing. How could he even explain to his bandmate that in the short period of two days he was already going insane because he thought he might be intruding in the other's life? He was too sleep-deprived for the conversation, so he just chose the easier path: use a half-truth, not a full lie.

"I'm going to Jooyeon's house tomorrow. Today, actually." — He didn't tell his best friend about this early morning plan, besides a text message the other didn't even read yet. But they indeed talked about it when the two met earlier, so he thought it was okay to take it as a positive answer.

Seungmin too sat down on the floor, beside him. The younger boy was staring at open the green backpack stuffed with Jiseok's clothes. Beside it, on the ground, there were a few socks, his charger, and the boy's hygiene products scattered around it, probably because of his actions being partially interrupted earlier. On the mattress was Jiseok's laptop, his electric guitar case leaning against the wall opposite to Seungmin's pile of books. Jiseok's platform sneakers were on the entrance beside his worn out vans. He never had a roommate before.