The Backstabber Comeback

past - taehyung

Second and third years of middle school are pure hell.

Taehyung is good at pretending everything he hears about himself doesn't bother him, he's good at pretending he's okay when he sees Wooshik with his new friends, good at pretending he's just as fine as he was before.

But Taehyung trembles every morning. He falls asleep at 4 am almost every night, after obsessing over the fact he has to wake up and go to school the next day. His chest hurts almost constantly, as he spends the whole day at school struggling with proper breathing.

In school, he stays alert, as if any second someone might throw hands at him, look at him, talk to him. He wants to avoid all sorts of interactions.

The first time Taehyung can't handle this, he searches the Internet for ways to get sick. He needs an excuse to stay at home at least for a week. He needs a break, so at 2 am, he sits on the floor in the kitchen, feeling as pathetic as never before, but also deadly desperate, peeling and eating a raw potato. He thought it's a ridiculous way to get sick when he read about it, but it's the only way available to him in the middle of the night.

At 7 am, he's coming down with a fever and he's pretty sure his body is about to rebel. His mom lets him stay home. Taehyung feels like he's dying, but the relief makes it worth it.

Every few weeks, Taehyung manages to get sick – or, more often than not, fake being sick – but he runs out of ideas, until his mom doesn't let him stay home anymore.

So he skips classes. Nothing new, they've been skipping classes since forever, but now, Taehyung skips whole days. Day by day, he finds it more difficult to go to school. To be anywhere around people. He feels best when he's locked away in his room, pretending to study. Or when he's alone on the soccer field. This one hurts a lot more, because Wooshik was always here with Taehyung, but it's not like Taehyung will give up the only thing that makes him happy.

Taehyung can't even catch a break from him. Can't forget. Wooshik is always around, even when he isn't. No one stops talking about the popular guy.

His parents ask why Wooshik doesn't come over anymore. Taehyung says he's busy helping with his brother. He doesn't sleep that night. He thinks about Wooshik.

At school, Taehyung tries to be as small as possible. He avoids eye contact, spends his allowance money on earphones, and sticks them in during every break, blasting the loudest music he can find. Many breaks he spends in a bathroom stall. He stops eating at school, too. He can't stomach a thing anyway. The only reason he forces food into himself is to have energy to play soccer, but most of the time, he relies on energy drinks. Two large cans a day.

When the teachers ask him questions, he pretends to be sick and leaves the classroom. Many times, he ends up actually puking in the bathroom.

Taehyung often forgets what his voice sounds like. He hardly speaks anymore. Not in class, not to his parents, not to Seokjin. And he's pretty sure the only feeling he knows how to feel is fear. When was the last time he wasn't terrified?

And he cries. God, he keeps crying. Every night. Every morning. Every day. Nonstop. Because he has to go to school, because they keep talking, because if he hears 'a sick fuck' one more time, he'll vomit on the shoes of whoever says it.

Fourteen year olds are ruthless. And a little bit stupid, but Taehyung stopped trying to convince people he is telling the truth, not the popular guy. No one believes him, anyway.