Imagine Us in Heaven

As Sound as A Dollar

Doctor Snyder blinks, shifts his gaze between us and the monitor, scratches his head, and then looks back again. I'm unsure if he's having trouble with the monitor or if there's an issue with my MRI and CT scans. But he looks more disheartened than we do.

I'm with Jake Wells. Out of everyone, why him? I stopped questioning it after he found out about my health. He agreed to come with me to the doctor, for which I'm grateful. I don't plan to tell my brother or even Clement. In fact, I intend to keep this from everyone except Winter, who might already know that I'm dying.

The doctor clears his throat before settling back into his swivel chair. His brows are furrowed deeper than before, and he seems utterly bewildered by whatever he's seen.

"Doc?" I begin, trying to cut through the tension with Jake Wells sitting beside me, listening closely.

"Well... are you drinking anything?"

Now it's my turn to furrow my brows. "What do you mean?"

"For instance, herbal brew? Medicinal herbs? Anything that claims to have healing properties?"

I go still. "Are you saying that I'm healing?"

"No, Blythe. You're getting worse..."

I'm confused. If I'm getting worse, then why am I still moving around? Aside from coughing blood, why am I still breathing? I give him a look of confusion, the kind someone gives when the person in front of them doesn't make sense or sounds idiotic but doesn't want to offend.

"Okay," Doctor Snyder says, understanding my look. "I know what I'm saying doesn't make sense, and considering how healthy and energetic you appear, I wonder if it's the power of your mind keeping you strong."

"And you think I'm taking medicinal herbs for that?"

"Well, the effects of herbs aren't instantaneous. They're more like maintenance rather than a cure. Still, the human mind is fascinating. We convince ourselves that we're healing by taking supplements when, in reality, nothing much changes. It's our minds that keep our bodies going."

I didn't expect a philosophical discussion here, but... "I get what you're saying, doc. But no, I haven't taken any herbs or supplements. You're right about one thing, though. Both my mind and body feel alive and healthy. That's why I came here. You gave me three months, maybe five to seven months. I'm well past the three months. Why am I still alive?"

He scratches his head again. "Honestly, I don't know. Given the condition of your lungs and internal organs, it seems like your heart is protected by some invisible force. It just won't shut down."

Jake looks startled by the terminology. "Why does it sound like you're hoping he'll shut down?"

I close my eyes in exasperation. "Can we avoid using that word? What am I, a walking virus?"

"Sorry..." they both say simultaneously, exchanging surprised glances.

I take a deep breath and address both of them. "All I want to understand is why I'm still moving like I'm not dying. Fine, let's say it's all in my head. That my brain is so powerful it's making me feel healthy even though I'm not—shouldn't I at least feel something? Aside from occasional fits, I feel nothing else. I breathe much better than when I first visited the hospital."

"And you can still smoke," Jake adds.

"Precisely!" We high-five each other in front of the doctor.

Doctor Snyder doesn't appreciate the gesture and glares at us. "Speaking of cigarettes, you should really quit that, Blythe."

"I know..."

He shakes his head. "I don't know what to say. Either someone from above is really looking out for you, or you have a guardian angel by your side. The cancer in your lungs has grown and spread rapidly to your other organs. It may not be much, but once it reaches your heart, it will be enough to shut you down and put you in a coma."