His Sister

Gone

 I think all of the time that I spent without Ellie was some kind of preparation for this. I'm going into month number five without seeing or speaking to her. But nothing could've prepared me for this. I feel like I'm losing my mind. It feels like so much longer than a few months since I've seen her. I've been on lockdown because of the incident. No car privileges, no going out on weekends, and no phone past 8 P.M. I don't even feel like I'm living anymore. Without her, I'm nothing. And without anything to keep me occupied, my existence feels even more bleak and meaningless.

As usual, Jay swings by every once in a while to make sure I'm still breathing. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't. But he gives me occasional updates on Ellie and how she's doing. He tries to keep me in the loop, which I appreciate a lot. He recently told me that her school is going really well and that this weekend, she'll be returning to visit for Christmas break. Apparently, his parents are finally putting in effort to be proud of her and support her. I see this as my opportunity to speak to her. Of course, bringing up my idea to Jay is hardly a good idea. And he very strongly disagrees.

"So," I begin as I scavenge the fridge for a snack, "I've been thinking... And I decided I'm going to see Ellie over Christmas break."

Jay nearly chokes to death on a mouthful of Cheez-Its. He almost hacks up a lung as he tries to get them down. He coughs and sputters, sucking in a ridiculously large gulp of air once he finally swallows. He wipes at his mouth and shakes his head. His eyes are watery.

"No, no, no." He scolds me, "Tara, look... Ellie has been a wreck since that load of shit with the two of you hit the fan."

I scowl at him and toss him a paper towel. He cleans off his face, then he wipes the crumbs off of the table. He throws the paper towel away before coming to join me behind the kitchen counter.

"I know that isn't what you wanted me to say... But I'm sorry that things didn't work out. Maybe it's for the best." He tells me.

"I just want to see her." I argue, "I just want to sort things out. I want to make things right."

I pull a peach out of the fridge and grab a knife to cut it in half. I hand Jay the other half and he practically inhales it. He goes to wash his hands and I meticulously begin eating my half of the peach.

"Tara, if you really want to see her, I understand. And I know I can't really do anything to stop you. But, I just want you to know that things have changed."

Jay lets out a sigh and migrates to the living room. I follow him.

"So have I." I shrug.

"Yeah, and I don't like the changes I've seen in either of you. It's scary." He breathes.

He flops onto the couch and groans, stretching his arms.

"I just need to fix it. It's eating me alive." I shake my head, sitting down on the other end of the couch.

Jay hesitates and pulls out his phone. He types frantically and then slips it back into his pocket. He looks up at me with a thoughtful, calculating expression.

"Whatever makes you happy, I guess..." He says, "But don't say I didn't warn you. And, hey, I gotta get going. I have to clean up the house for Ellie's arrival tomorrow. Keep in touch with me, okay? Don't do anything stupid without telling me."

"Roger that." I say dryly, causing Jay to chuckle.

He leaves the house and after I hear the front door close, I hurry to my room. I close my door behind me, sitting down on my bed. I know that I'm making the right decision by going to see her. If I leave things the way that they are, then I might never get to be with her again. And that's not something that I can live with. At least if I try, I know that I did what I could. I have to see Ellie. I have to. I lie down and shut my eyes. The sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I wake up and see her.

I wake up a little later than I anticipated, rolling out of bed at 10:18. I drag myself into the shower and get myself all dressed. I even put on a light face of make-up. I do my best to look decent, even though Ellie doesn't even know I'm showing up. By the time it's nearly eleven, I hitch a ride on the bus to Ellie's street. When I walk down to the house, I see a brand new car in the driveway. A black Honda Civic sits beside Jay's truck and I instantly know it's Ellie's. I walk up to the door and stop. I can hardly bring myself to knock. The churning in my stomach is enough to make me want to sprint back down the street. Before I knock, I decide to peer through the window.

I catch a glimpse of Jay helping his mother set up some decorations. His father crosses the front hallway to the stairs, disappearing out of sight. I crane my head and get a quick view of the kitchen. My heart nearly stops. I see Ellie laughing with a gorgeous, red-headed girl by her side. Then, she snakes her arm around her waist and plants a kiss on her lips. I turn away from the window and hurry back to the bus stop. I don't dare to look back. If I do, I think I'll be sick.