His Sister

Suspicions

 I arrive at Jay's house with an uneasy feeling. I feel like my stomach is going to drop into my feet. My palms are sweaty as I ball my hands into fists and knock on the front door. Jay's mom answers and greets me warmly. She invites me into the house and I warily step inside. As usual, the house smells like vanilla and soap. I make my way upstairs and open the door to Jay's bedroom. He's sitting on his futon and playing his PlayStation while music blasts in the background. His room is absolutely huge. Every time I come in it's like I've never been in here before.

It's painted navy blue and the walls are decorated with all kinds of posters. There's also a few sports posters and even a couple of girls. He has a water bed in the corner, near a big desk with a fish tank and an iMac covered in stickers sitting on top of it. He also has one wall with a big, white strip on it. You can use pens and stuff to draw on it. Then, if you turn on the blacklight you can see the drawings and doodles. It's actually really cool. I envy his bedroom. I sit beside him on the futon and he pulls of his Turtle Beach headset. He sets it on the couch and turns to me. I smile and he frowns a little. He stands up and leans against his desk. A few fish in the tank scatter away from the glass, seeking refuge behind the rocks and decorations.

This is it... I think to myself. This is where Jay screams out that he knows I'm having a fling with his sister... This is where it all falls apart.

He only clears his throat and cracks his knuckles on the desk. I grip the cushion of the futon and eagerly look up at him. He flops down into his office chair and spins in circles.

"Tara," Jay says in a serious tone.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"I know what's going on," He tells me as he comes to a stop, facing me head on.

"You do?"

"Mmhmm..." He nods.

Aaannnddd cue the desperate explanation.

"Jay, honest to God, I can-"

"You think I'm cheating on you, so you're distancing yourself from me." He accuses, standing and pacing the floor.

"Oh," Is all I can squeak out as relief instantly courses through my veins.

Jay mutters under his breath, "Is this about Rachel?"

"God dammit, Jay." I grumble.

He looks taken aback, "What?"

"Stop trying to be the good guy. I know about you and your little backup plan with Rachel. You said that you loved me but it's been a year and we still haven't had sex. Big fucking deal, Jay! Sex doesn't matter! Who gives a shit about sex? We're in high school! If you want to get laid then why don't you just dump me and get it over with already? I mean, it sounds like a massive waste of time to you!"

My face instantly turns red and I feel surprised with myself. I've never spoken up like that before. Jay's face is riddled with guilt. There's a dark gleam in his eyes and he focuses on the ground. I feel like I've just taken a monumental victory in some kind of battle.

"Tara, I-"

"No. You know what? If you're going to act like a freshman, why don't you just date one?" I scoff.

Jay reaches for my wrist and I smack his hand away, "Don't fucking touch me."

"Please, wait," He says quietly, "I'm sorry. I've been a real asshole lately."

"Yeah, you really have." I growl.

Jay shakes his head, "And I'm sorry. There's really no good explanation for what I've done. How I've acted. I promise if you just give me a chance, I can—"

"Whatever, Jay. Look, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

He tries to touch me again and I brush his hand off. I walk downstairs and leave the house. I'm glad that his mom doesn't try to stop me on my way out. I get into my car and speed off down the street. While I drive, I call Ellie and tell her I'm coming over. When I get there, I park in front of her apartment complex and hurry up to Ellie's door. I swing it open without knocking and find Ellie on the couch. She's eating a bag of chips while she watches Tom and Jerry in a t-shirt and her underwear. Her leg hangs over the arm of the couch, swinging lazily back and forth.

"Oh, hey! Sorry, I guess I didn't have time to put on pants. I estimate I'd have another five or so minutes, but—"

Before I can even explain anything, I break down crying and Ellie seems alarmed. She leaps off of the couch and rushes over to me. As she tries to comfort me, I continue to sob. Eventually she brings me over to the couch and we sit down. I practically crawl onto her lap and she brushes my hair out of my face, telling me that it'll all be okay. When I've finally calmed down enough, she asks me what's wrong.

"I went to see Jay because he wanted to talk," I sniffle loudly, "And I yelled at him about Rachel... Then he tried to talk to me but I just left... I couldn't—I'm just so upset with myself."

"Why?" Ellie frowns, using her thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

"I'm going to hurt him if I do. But it isn't fair if I'm not honest with him. I can't keep this up, Ellie."

"What do you mean? Why are you going to hurt him? I mean, like, how?" She asks.

I shake my head, "I don't love him. I never have. I never will. I can't do this if I'm going to keep sneaking around with you. I can't be with him anymore. How can you be with somebody when you want to be with somebody else?"

Ellie looks at me with a stupid grin. I giggle a bit and she gives me a tight squeeze. I bury my head against her shoulder and she rubs my back.

"You'll get past this, Tara..." She tells me, "We'll get past this."